Wrong Result

My insides are churning,
after they told me the results
and stopped looking me
in the eye.

Despite the intense
chemotherapy
I have undergone
there has been little change

in the cells surrounding
the fluid
in my brain
and nervous system.

It's funny
life
and death,
I don't care anymore.

Which is why I need a few days 
to think,
don't want to make
a snap decision about where to go next.

To take my mind
away from me,
I wrote a verse
and read some Poetry.

It made me feel good,
helped me to get hold
of my emotions
and clear my mind.

Thinking about me now,
it's almost like I'm free
or will be soon,
maybe a little too soon.