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Streetlamp Romance |
| Written by Calvin | |
| Friday, 21 March 2008 | |
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Share it:      “I would regret it more if I never took the chance than if I were to take it and be turned aside.” I say and I bridge our division with one half step and pin her body against the car door. She feels my strength as I keep her there and my lips grasp for hers. They meet and we kiss. This was never supposed to happen. After about five seconds of a kiss, I pull back and shake my head. “No, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” I reveal and look at the ground as if dejected. The truth is that I planned it all. The past week has been nothing but myself plotting and thinking about how I’m going to make my move when I’m given the chance. Nothing is fake and I really do feel this way. Except I feel that this was supposed to happen. Our division? It is purely physical. This person is me, except with long dark red hair, a beautiful face, and every feature that screams femininity so acutely that every time I see her my heart skips just once. Our compatibility is exact. Several days ago I told her that I was attracted to her. She responded by telling me that she had guessed as much. She didn’t tell me how she felt, but its very obvious to me that she at least likes the idea of there being a togetherness. It is evidenced by the fact if it is true that she knew I was attracted, then she did not pull away. She only got closer. Either she hates me and is playing a sadistic game or she indeed feels an attraction for me as well. My guess is the latter. She is very much inspired by music. She often uses lyrics from songs to paint a picture of her emotional state. It can be hard to tell what she means, but the fact that she wrote the word “eyes” in blue makes me feel as though I’ve lost. A guy she was playing with a couple of months ago has blue eyes. My eyes are green or brown, depending on what I’m wearing. This guy is four years her junior. Competition? Please. This kid isn’t even in the same league. I don’t even think he knows how to play. But amid rumors and speculation my mind focuses on what might be some part truth. Lately she’s been pulling away from me. Or at least that’s how it feels. We used to talk everyday, at least once. We haven’t caught up in about four, and it is scaring me. Maybe when I told her I had a romantic interest in her, she got scared too. She has been notoriously hard to capture for some men. I remember that I’m not some men. I’ve been leaving simple clues that I was going to make a move. She is smart, and maybe she picked up on them. But that would mean she doesn’t want a move made. I decided that I would do something bold. I need to know. And a surprise kiss was my favorite option. Telling her I’m crazy for her makes me look, well, crazy. But I can’t take this in limbo stance any longer. If she truly does like me, she’ll return the kiss. If not she’ll say something. About how inappropriate it was for me to snatch her and kiss her. I don’t care about her comfort anymore though, I care about my sanity. I need to alleviate my mind of these thoughts. One minute I’m convinced that she only desires me as a friend, and then she tells me that she would be ‘devastated’ if she were to make me mad. What the **** kind of conflicting signals are these? I’ve heard that the sweetest fruit is the one that is forbidden. I’ve also heard that the best things in life are worked for and earned. If this truly is the case, then anything that happens between her and I could be the most terrific thing the world has ever seen. We could be the envy of every king and queen everywhere. I seem obsessed. It is hard to believe that I don’t love this girl. I don’t. There is no point to love, at least before feelings have been reciprocated. I keep my mind busy during my free time so I won’t think about her. I play some games or maybe do something with some friends. If I loved her, she would have won me and would have no interest in trying to train me. Relationships are a lot like training dogs. As soon as someone has the upper-hand, it is all over with. Which is why I refuse to love her. I’ve known her almost my entire young life. We always have gone through periods where we get close and then distance again. We’ve promised that there won’t be distance again. But when I lay alone in my bed late at night, distance is all I have. She considers us ‘best friends’. I want nothing to do with the words. I told her I was attracted to her to try to make something happen. Truthfully it was very uneventful. She did say that if we were to ever run-off together like we’ve always talked, things would have to change. That was the best sign in the conversation. She knows something is between us. We stand underneath a dim streetlight in my poor section of town. After I pulled back, I stood there and stared into her eyes. Her faced was perfectly lit by the streetlamp, which means mine was shadowed. The night air is still and its only just above freezing. I’m waiting for a response. I need to make things happen. She begins to have a look on her face as though she is thinking of the words and can’t quite seem to come up with them. I’m waiting for a reaction. I have no coat and I’m shivering. I don’t even notice as I await her words. And even though it isn’t even one in the morning, I’ll wait her until the sun comes up if she doesn’t know what to say.
Copyright 2008 Calvin |
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