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Short Stories Mystery witchiness?
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witchiness? |
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| Written by Joanie | |
| Thursday, 20 March 2008 | |
i cant believe of all people im going to im relying on my mother. i never new this day would come! as i strut up the path in a rather swift way theres alot of thoughts going on in my head. i want to find out the truth for once. what is really happening. why cant someone just explain? i dont bother knocking on the door i just head straight in. as i walk into the kitchen theres was a sight that would explain alot. on the table theres a man practicqally naked and hovering above him is my mother.
"Mumm?"
"Hello poppet, how are you?"
i stare at the man mum notices she turns to him and says, "Okay. so keep wearing the red socks and the black boxers and keep this on at all time!"
as she says this she ties a glinting pentegram around his neck. He looks rather embarased, like i have caught them out. He bloody well should be! my MUM the thought of it makes me want to hurl.
as he scurries out avoiding contact with my eyes i turn to mum "Does trev know about you too?"
" im so glad you came in i've been meaning to tell you, it runs in the family Sofia, i want to teach you all the tricks of the trade"
"MAA, thats absolutely disgusting im not going to join my mum in having an afff. . .air??" as i say this i glimpse around and notice a totally different seen tears running down my face because im so angry and annoyed at what is happening in my life at the moment. i stare at the jars full with odd things. teh pentergrams and candles.
my um smiles and winks at me, "i am a new age whitch dear well that s whats said anyway, im not really i just put herbs together and wham bam baroo theres some sort of cure for some sort of problem. . . for instance that man thinks hes had a curse put on him and he wants out. So i simply gave him a pentegram to warn him off from evil and told him to spread salt around the entrances of his house and his headaches and nasal pains should go"
"Pffft. you really believe all of that? he's probably having a heart attack or something and you've probably killed the poor bugger!"
"Nonsense. youve got it in you too, why are you so upset Soff?"
shes wondering now picking up the jars and storing them away in a cupboard. thats it now. my mum is officially having a breakdown. i mean a witch? he nutty friend hatty probably put that into her head next they will be a coven nd wil be roaming the streets of wiltshire on brushes or something.
"Mum, wheres dad?"
"Sofia. i dont know. he's gone and he is in trouble."
with thats theres a knock at the door.
Comments (9) |
 03-20-2008 05:35, Didn't really understand the ending, but I love your idea about finding your mum flirting with witchcraft,,among other things. A couple typo's corrected and a little clearer on the ending and you will have a really good story here. » Reply to this comment...  03-20-2008 08:25, This seems like the first chapter for a longer story. Am I missing something in the ending? » Reply to this comment...  03-20-2008 09:07, There are too many spelling and grammar errors. They were sort of distracting. I can't take people that want to be writers seriously when they don't even have basic spelling and grammar down. I'm not just referring to you, but others, would you turn this in to your English teacher? Or a publisher? (Gee, this sounds familiar... I think Cookingwine is getting into my head). Maybe this site is all fun, I dunno... Oi, so cranky today. Haven't read a story about witches lately; I don't like them too much, but if you fix this or proofread the next part (I assume there might be a continuation?) I might read it. Good luck. » Reply to this comment...  03-20-2008 09:59, Once you get rid of the spelling and grammar erorrs, this will be a good story.I think there is more to this story.Neat little story, » Reply to this comment...  03-20-2008 14:26, Eh. I hate to be a crab but I agree with Pez. The grammar errors made it very difficult to enjoy it although the story was sort of entertaining. A little too short though, to really understand what was happening. Hopefully you can build off this neat little story and make something larger. » Reply to this comment... 03-22-2008 00:33, I agree, needs a lot more care with spelling and grammar. Could have been an interesting little story. Keep at it. Had what I call a "Saturday, Sunday." finish. Weak end. » Reply to this comment...  03-22-2008 08:37, yeahh i wrote it when i was bored in PSE a lesson at school. . . its a french key board but still no excuse i shall correct and add (Y) thanks guys :) » Reply to this comment...  03-22-2008 09:38, Obviously, problems with grammar and all that jazz. That's all correctable. The real problem for me is that there isn't anything there to build from. Of course, it all comes down to how you wanted it, and there is nothing I can take from your intention and your desire of how you want it. For me, I couldn't care less about the narrator, her mom, or the man. I have no attachment to your characters at the end of the story whatsoever. Fix that by injecting small things, not by adding scenes about bank robberies and witchhunts and cop-out tension steroids. If you want clarification or examples, feel free to message. If you want to tell me to fuck off, go crazy for that too. Regardless, keep on keeping on. » Reply to this comment...  04-07-2008 11:45, well, we couldn't understand ur intention on writting this story... it's a lil' confuse ya know? the story is a bit weak, nothing against u of course. we think there's a lot of grammar mistakes on your little story.try to fix this. » Reply to this comment... |
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