Saying Goodbye....March 13, 2008

     As the sunshine settles this evening and this day seems soon to pass, I admit the heart is heavy.  A whirlwind day it has been, as the last two have also seemed.  Not to big to admit I have dried some tears this evening, I try to muster a cheery voice when the phone rings and answer in my manly rock solid fashion.  Only one that knows me well would ever tell 'the heart' is mush today.  I have lived long enough to see others with pains and heartaches and need of my strengths with which I hope to always supply.  Those very ones seem always the souls that give so much back.  I thank you, each and every one.  I need your strengths as my insides only want to sit in the 'corner' and cry to help ease the pain of loss I know a family feels today.
   Wanda Marie has called, "Honey, I won't be home for a while."  "It's been a day of it!" and then a quick rundown of some things that work needed and I understand.  "It's ok Hon, you be careful.  I love you."  A reply followed, "I love you too."...then the phone went still.  I know that love comes in so many ways and am reassured.  The tears and the mush wane a little and the thoughts drift back to the family with 'Momma' now departed.  The home on whose front porch and coffee pot I've visited several times recently and felt the love in someone else's home other then my own.  I'm so appreciative as it bolsters my own.  Before coming home night before last at 2 a.m., I had leaned on her bed and held someone else's Mom in my arms and whispered goodbye and said, I love you...her fingers squeezed mine gently as I held hers in mine.  I called her name gently and told her how happy I was that her husband and children were all here and how I felt like one of hers too... I know she heard me...as the fingers of one clinging to a few more breaths squeezed mine again.  Shortly after 6 a.m. the phone rang, and a familiar voice of a hospice nurse on the other end passed the word, that our friend had stopped breathing; her family was 'ok'...like they knew my concerns for family and wanted it known and me reassured.  "Thanks" and again the phone went still.
   So tomorrow, as time passes on, the sun will rise and you'll see dry eyes if you pass my way.  I'll try to be strong but promise the thoughts of those that care, those that love will always be there.  I'll always remember when I've passed your way, your families, and your friend with which you've shared.  I'll remember the reminiscing we've done on your front porch, the coffee poured, the family loved one you let give me one of the hugs meant for you....I try to take the best of the memories before we parted and make me better.  The love that comes to me, I always try my best to make it pure as possible and return the hug that was meant for you.  I replied to a friend a while ago that sent a 'sympathy'...simple, sweet, and thoughtful...I'll pass that on too! To a family that has truly lost someone special.  A Mom that has tried my strength and made it stronger, a family that has innocently tested my emotions and made them 'open' is the gift that I've been given.  My tears tonight are for their pain and loss.  My insecurity is in my weakness they all have made stronger.  My fortitude, is the "Momma's love" squeezing gently my hand as she and her family let me hold her in my arms.  Thank you, I love you too!   ..........ol' doc wes