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there was a man whom everyone adored
when he drove by in his lovely ford
the men tipped their hats with a passing grace
and they gave their women a big embrace
even the kids paused their play in the snow
to stand straight up and say hello
this man was wealthy, and he was clean
he treated his wife like she was a queen
but then that fateful december morn'
the morale of the US was greatly torn
the bombs were dropped on a naval base
and the planes left without a trace
then the boom of the draft begun
the man was chosen; nearly the first one
but he indecently gave a bribe
and the following regret he could not describe
he sent another man out to war
only because he felt he had more to live for
this man went home and sobbed and wept
in over four days he hadn't slept
one night, he lost control
and on one officers nightly patrol
a crisp shot echoed through the air
explained in a note, as an act of despair
the town was left in a vale of dread
when this man put a bullet through his head

~~~END~~~

Author's Note: if this reminds you of anything, its probably the poem "Richard Cory" by Edwin Arlington Robinson. 

Keyword: richard cory poetry tribute

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Comments (9)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-03-13 17:23:15 .... this left me speechless. it flowed incredibly well and it told such a great story. definitily putting this in my favs. it shows how such a classy man who everyone thinks is perfect and can do no wrong can quickly become a monster. + Report this comment
Posted by tarhead 2008-03-13 19:30:19 that was very well done. + Report this comment
Posted by extinct kiddo 2008-03-13 19:57:04 whoa. hey that was great, it was a very good poem. the words flowed really well together. + Report this comment
Posted by gsaracen 2008-03-15 19:43:51 .... good flow and rhyme! + Report this comment
Posted by gsaracen 2008-03-15 19:52:24 try... try more rythm....try counting syllables. also read it to yourself and see if the rythm sounds right...or nice...or expressive in some way. Sometimes rythm can be inspired by music that really moves you. Not too directly though. Also try and use non-standard sentence forms (that are still grammatically acceptable, for example archaic word ordering....that sound a bit old fashioned...but help with rythm and rhyme....) try and be less literal, .... use a bit of synesthesia when you want. Making something sound dreamy or poetic is not pretencious! Also... erm... what else.... try sperating into smaller units... stanzas.... and... + Report this comment
Posted by R.E.Potter 2008-03-16 07:54:31 ,,, good poem + Report this comment
Posted by alfred 2008-03-18 06:41:39 .... Like to know what that bribe was...in case the draft happens again....I have no morals. cool poem + Report this comment
Posted by lorislittlesecret 2008-03-18 07:07:22 .... Awesome poem...great job! + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-03-18 12:44:41 Woot! Awesome! *clap* *clap* + Report this comment

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