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RegretsThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Paul Harris | |
| Thursday, 06 March 2008 | |
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Share it:      Lucy regretted that she had lied to Andy so much, she sometimes wondered if she would ever forgive herself. Silly stories that she thought he wanted to hear. There was no denying that they had both had tough times when they were growing up, but when he had poured his heart out to her, instead of just listening and offering support, she found herself telling him tales of fantasy about her own hardships. She made up a boyfriend who had sadly passed away, to match his own loss of his father when he was a child. There were stories of how her step brother had forced himself upon her when she was unable to fight him off due to a broken leg. She was a bit surprised that he had believed her, but then, he was a good man who was loyal and trusting to a fault. After that it was easy to make up stories to get him to show her sympathy, or get him angry and protective towards her. He became a father figure as well as a lover. Then one evening he had turned up as usual and they had spent the time together lying on her bed in each other's arms listening to music, talking, kissing. Enjoying each other's company. Enjoying each other. Lucy was very keen on music and would happily spend hours alone listening to records. At that time she was, like many of her friends into the 90’s music scene. That evening she was playing an album that she had bought the weekend previously, and was trying to explain to Andy what she liked about it. Andy tried to follow her passion, but sadly he didn’t really share her taste in music. He figured that because of the way he felt about her though, the sacrifice was hardly too onerous to bear. They had been silent for a few minutes when he said, "Lucy, I need to talk to you, can we go for a walk?" as he stroked her hair and carelessly let his hand gently run down the side of her neck. God she loved it when he did that, it was the same feeling as when he kissed her neck, moving slowly downwards with a promise of more to come. A shiver of anticipation ran down her spine. She could wait, it would be worth it, it always was. At that time Lucy lived in a small wooden bungalow beside a large river with her mother, step-father and her extended family. It was a funny little place with uneven floors because it was slowly sinking into the soft earth. Each year the whole family would spend a couple of days crawling around in the mud, lifting the house up with car jacks and adding bricks to the existing piles to try to get the place level again. It always took a while to re-adjust to the changes after these episodes as often the floors would slope differently to the way they had before. The whole place was heated by a single wood burning stove in the central room, which served as a dining room, kitchen and day room. All of the bedrooms were off of this room, as was the "posh lounge" which was reserved for special occasions and visitors. There were often visitors in the house, mostly friends of Lucy's step-father who worked for a city based media company. Andy had been introduced to the family by a mutual friend and he and Lucy had hit it off almost right from the start. Funny and charming, he had been a big hit with Lucy's mother, who had started referring to him as her son-in-law very early on in their relationship. Debbie, Lucy's younger step-sister had a huge crush on Andy and would often make it very obvious. Andy always behaved like the perfect gentleman towards her, paying her just enough attention to spare her feelings, but not quite enough to give her the wrong message. Sometimes Lucy wondered if Andy was quite flattered by the attention that he got from Debbie; she was after all a very attractive girl. Would Andy have followed up on any of her flirtations? Lucy didn't think so, but she never allowed herself to get too complacent. They walked in silence down the lane from her house towards the golf club. She knew better than to ask him what was on his mind, he would tell her when the moment was right. She had waited for this moment for ages, all the hints she had given him about how their life would be when they lived together. The conversations about what sort of house they would live in. Who would the children look like? Where they would move to when they retired. All of it leading to the one moment that every girl dreams of, and now it was her turn. The golf club car park was deserted when they got there and they turned and started to walk along side the 18th green. The sun was getting low in the sky now and had turned brilliant orange, which gave everything a wonderfully warm glow. Lucy could hear the sound of a boat passing on the river behind the trees, a dog barking excitedly from it's deck. As they walked alongside the fairway, Andy suddenly stopped, turned and looked straight into her eyes. He held her head gently. She let him kiss her, gently at first, and then with more urgency. The desire building, until they could hold back no longer. They fell to the ground and Andy gently slowly unbuttoned her white blouse. He moved slowly, gently undressing her and caressing every part of her. It was almost torture for her, having to wait for him to go to the right places. She knew he would. He did. The sun had fully set when they had finished, and they both lay holding each other in the fading light. Their naked bodies covered in a faint sheen from the exertion of their love making. Lucy thought that this was the most perfect evening she had ever known. She rolled over on top of Andy and started to kiss his body from top to bottom. She tasted every part of him, and tasted herself on him too. She kissed him on the lips, he suddenly held her, and rolled over so that he was on top of her. It was his turn to taste her now and he did. When he reached her mouth he paused and drew back slightly. “Lucy,” “Oh God,” she thought, “this is it; he’s going to ask me now. Remember this moment. Wow, how perfect this is going to be.” “Lucy,” “Andy,” her lips showing the beginnings of a faint smile. “Lucy, I love you so much, you know. I want you and I need you, but I can’t live with your lies any more. It’s over.” "Bloody Hell." She thought, she hadn't seen that one coming. Andy was on his feet now, pulling on his jeans and shirt. She just lay there, stunned, exposed and shell-shocked. "Come on" he said "I'll take you home." Like a child she did just as she was told without question. As she walked next to him along the lane towards her house, she felt simply numb. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Determination suddenly gripped her, she wasn't going to cry in front of him, she was going to talk to him calmly, make him change his mind. She'd do anything for him and she’d do anything to keep him. Outside her house Lucy stood facing him, tears were streaming down her face, she couldn't stop them. "Andy, please..." she started. Andy put a finger to her lips to stop her. "I'm sorry Lucy," He said, the sadness showing on his face in the moonlight. “I can change, please let me show you. I know I lied and made up stories, but I thought that I’d be too ordinary without them and you’d get bored with me. Don’t go, don’t just walk away from me now. Stay, let’s work this out.” She was pleading with him now, she knew that it was demeaning but she couldn’t stop herself. Just an hour ago she had been happier than she could ever remember being and now she felt that she was hanging on to the last threads of any chance of ever being happy again. Andy turned away from her and walked over to his motorbike, parked opposite the house. He lifted his crash helmet from the rear view mirror and pulled it down over his head, as he pushed the starter button and the engine sprang into life Lucy was alongside him. She was trying to get the key from the ignition, shouting at him now, “You bastard, you bastard, don’t you dare leave me.” Andy pushed her away from the bike and dropped it into gear. A quick glance to his right and he saw her just standing still, shoulders dropped, mouth open in a silent wail. He let the clutch in and rode away. Just before he rounded the bend, Andy glanced in his mirror and he could just make out the small figure of Lucy still standing in the glow from the house lights in the middle of the road looking after him. About a mile down the road, Andy pulled into the side of the road and stopped the engine of his bike. He took off his crash helmet and felt into his jeans pocket for his cigarettes. As he lit one and inhaled deeply he wondered if he really had done the right thing. Lucy phoned Andy every day for the week following, begging him to change his mind and come back. Finally he relented and said that he would come over and see her. They both knew that things would be difficult and so it was arranged that Andy would come round when the rest of Lucy’s family were out and they could sit down and talk. In the back of his mind Andy knew that it was not a good idea, but he hated the thought that Lucy was hurting because of him. On his way over to Lucy’s house, Andy was in a very good mood. It was a beautiful day, without a cloud in the sky. The motorbike was running exceptionally well and was urging him to go faster and faster. Briefly a thought flashed through Andy’s mind that it was the perfect sort of day for having a beautiful girl on the back and riding off to the coast. A few weeks ago he would have suggested just that, Lucy loved riding on the back of the bike, and truth be known Andy loved her being there. Not to mention how good she looked in leathers! As Andy leant the bike into the roundabout by the theme park he opened the throttle wider, instantly he was rewarded by the rear tyre gripping the hot tarmac and launching him towards the single track road that led down to her house. The hedges on either side became a blur as he pushed the bike hard into the series of bends before the little bridge, where he knew he could become airborne. As soon as the bike had touched the ground and settled down he sat up straight with his hands on his knees, stretched his back and let the bike slow down to a suitable speed for the road he was on. With adrenalin coursing through him, Andy felt on top of the world. This was just the greatest feeling. Lucy was sitting on her front doorstep waiting for Andy as she often did at weekends. She knew that on a day like this he would bring his motorbike over and would have ridden it very hard. In the distance she heard the familiar sound of his engine as he took it to the limit. In her mind’s eye she could see what he was doing, she’d been on the back enough times to know exactly when he would accelerate or brake. She could remember the first time that Andy had taken her out on the back, it was the most exhilarating feeling she could ever remember. When he had gone around the roundabout with his knee on the road she had found herself shouting out aloud for him to do it again. He had turned the bike around, ridden back up the bypass and done it all again. When they had finally stopped outside her house and she had pulled her crash helmet off, she found that she was out of breath from the excitement and couldn’t stop smiling. She heard the engine scream as he blasted the final stretch of tarmac to where the dirt track that her house was on met the lane. That made her smile, she knew Andy would be smiling too. The people in the corner house should never have complained about the noise of his bike. He pulled up and removed his crash helmet and gave her that boyish grin that he often used when he knew that he had done something a little bit naughty. “Hey you,” he said. It was almost as if nothing between them had changed. “Yourself.” she replied, their standard greeting. Would some things never change between them, she wondered, “Will you ever stop annoying my neighbours?” She asked him, she hoped not. He didn’t say anything but gave her a small smile. When he smiled and particularly when he laughed, his eyes laughed a moment before he did, almost as if he had thought of something funny and for a split second couldn’t decide whether or not to share the joke. That was one of the first things that Lucy had noticed about him when they first met. Mr Smiley Eyes, Lucy had called him. They spent the afternoon in Lucy’s back garden, lazing in the sunshine, watching as boats puttered up and down the river. The sky was cloudless and the sun was hot. Lucy pulled off her t-shirt and jeans to take full advantage of the weather. She loved the sun and would take any opportunity to lay out letting it’s warming rays relax her. She also knew that Andy loved to see her body, she had worked hard to keep it in good shape and she knew exactly what he liked to see. Andy smiled to himself, he knew the game that she was playing and, for the moment at least he was happy to let her play it. Occasionally someone they knew would wave and call out to them and they would have a brief, shouted conversation across the water. A small wooden rowing boat with a little outboard motor came past. There were three lads in it who were friends Lucy’s brother Tom. They lived in a large house on the opposite bank of the river and Lucy had been over to their house with him a couple of times and had found herself quite fancying the older one, Chris. Chris had also made it quite clear to her that he was keen on her too. They had met a few times in town without anyone knowing. A month or so ago, Lucy had swum across the river to their house when Chris had phoned her and told her that their parents were out for the afternoon. Andy wasn’t due to be coming over until much later that evening and the rest of Lucy’s family had gone out and she was bored. A bit of fun couldn’t hurt could it? They recognised Lucy as she sat up at the sound of their boat. One of the lads, a boy called David shouted out, “Hey lads, that’s that girl, Lucy. You know the one who came to our house?” “Oh yeah,” shouted Steve, the third boy, “couldn’t forget her could you? She was a lot of fun.” Chris had remained silent. She was grateful for that. Without a word Andy got up from the grass and went inside the house. It took a few seconds for Andy’s eyes to adjust to the change in light. When they had he went to the kitchen area to get a drink of water. As he turned away from the sink, he started slightly, he hadn’t heard Lucy come up behind him. He found himself slowly looking her up and down, despite his anger he couldn’t stop his desire for her building. Her bikini didn’t leave much to the imagination, but he knew in great detail what lay underneath and he found himself wanting her very much. “What was that all about?” He demanded, bringing himself back to reality. “Oh, you know. It’s just a couple of stupid boys, friends of Tom’s.” “What did they mean by you were good fun. What’s going on Lucy?” “I don’t know what they meant…” Lucy was beginning to get upset, her voice was beginning to crack. Andy spoke very quietly now, a sure sign Lucy knew that he was holding his anger in. “Don’t lie to me again, what were they talking about?” Lucy didn’t speak, she knew that she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. Again she just looked at him with tears welling up in her sad eyes. She knew she had blown it and there was no point in trying to recover the situation. Gently Andy took her in his arms and kissed her. “Goodbye Lucy” he said. He allowed her to hold him for a while longer. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “So am I,” he said, “I’m going to miss you.” Lucy let go of him. She ached to hold him for longer, but knew that it would just be prolonging the agony. Andy picked up his leather jacket and left the house. For the first time since they had met, Lucy didn’t watch him go, she couldn’t bear it. Copyright 2008 Paul Harris |
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