Things to do to be unsuccessful

            I would first like to formally introduce myself. I am Russell James Cooper. Sound nice, eh? Well I will be the first t admit I am very, very unsuccessful in life. Very. I look back on this life and think, I could have made investments and been rich, but I don’t consider that always success. There are three points I would like to tell you about in my life, to tell if you ever want to be unsuccessful then follow my path.

            The first point I would like to say is never be kind to anyone. The main time I can think of was my 21^st birthday and my girlfriend, Nina was taking me to a club. We where at her dorm, and was walking. On the side of the road in the dark, unlit street was a man on his knees. He had several gunshot wounds and was begging for help.

            “ Please, Russ. Help this guy out.” Nina said. I told here to pretend she never saw it. This was impossible with Nina and I knew it, and she figured out whenever I told here. Nina left me after that and I went on a drinking binge.

            The binge would be the second point I would love to bring up. If you ever want to be unsuccessful, isolate yourself in a bar, which you give as your address, and sweep the floor for food. Welfare always buys liquor. The only people I talked to for those four long years was Richie the bartender, Hobble the Hobo, and Jenny at the courthouse.

            When I finally decided to try and be successful, I met a very poor girl named Veronica. She was beautiful and planned on making something of her life. We married and both held good stable jobs. We also had the most beautiful baby boy ever. But soon I took to granted of making it and being successful and began drinking again and being cold hearted. My third point is when you run out of desire to drink, go back to step one and repeat the cycle.

            Trust me these steps work just look at me. Last week I was kicked out of the bar, and I never have helped a soul, not even an old lady pick up her keys. I did make the change of winning the lottery though. I was very happy at that. I thought that right then and there I would be able to become successful, but as I set here in my comfortable house, telling you my life; I have learned I am unsuccessful.

            I have lost the love of my life, she won’t even look at me at the supermarket. My son is now 16 and free to drive. He has been to see me once. My only friend, Hobble lived with me for a few months before dying, and now I play cards online. Not even could I make a friend there. I have all the money I could want, but the sad thing is I have nothing else in my life. O and by the way, just because you follow the steps for 17 years, doesn’t mean you will win the lottery.

Keyword: How to not be Successful

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Comments (3)

Posted by tarhead 2008-03-05 20:15:57 i like the end but I got a little lost on the journey there. what became of the bullet ridden guy? and how does that part fit the story? + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-03-05 20:29:19 .... dam, good point about the important things in life... though I'd still love to win the lottery! + Report this comment
Posted by cookingWine 2008-03-06 19:25:58 .... Stories shouldn't be theme-driven. They should be able to be abstracted to relate to themes, but they should be based in having a good time instead of preaching. I believe I could have a perfectly good time on "welfare" for drinks, in fact, I believe I could enjoy that more than paying for my own. And you haven't really shown me likewise. It's a good thought. Less cliche and less preachy, and you would have hooked me. Keep on keeping on. + Report this comment

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