The real....part three

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The real.....part three......The Penta Hotel breakfast buffet

I arrive at the penta hotel front entrance at 8.30 sharp , slap the doormans palm with a crisp 10 dollar bill and make my way in to find my Arab friends standing there in the middle of the lobby . Catching sight of me they rush at me with stretched arms and we all go through that customary firm handshakes , hugs and kisses.

At such close encounters of the flesh i can at once with my sharp well developed sense of smell detect a variety of odors eminating from the Arabs - ranging from that normal everyday B.O , cheap hotel soap  to the more disgusting concoction of stale seemen , viginal sweat and chaep off the counter perfume ; testement to a prior nights debauchery with a one night stand no doubt.

Done with feeling each other up ; exchanging pleasentries and my tolerating the occasional snide remark about my outfit , we all march to the hotels dining hall for that great breakfast buffet half circle table layout  formation and take the large round table nearest to the buffet :from where i set out to do the real Joe the farmer  real pigout style .

On my first trip over to the buffet i take a cerael bowl , fill it up the the max with the real Kellogs cornflakes, add 2 spoons of sugar  and pour on right to the bowls rim that real full cream full fat full everything milk .

Carefully carrying the bowl back to my seat at the large round table i manage to spill milk and a few flakes down on my Lazardo shirt , my Adolpho pants as well as my tootees shoe .

Done with the munching  i make a second trip to the buffet , this time hitting on my all time favorite - the real kellogs Wheatabix ;  helping myself again to a large serving of 5 biscuits , topped to the hilt with that same real milk , 2 spoons of sugar , i again walk myself back to the round table and do the same thing spilling more milk and  cereal on my all 100 real italian shirt ,  pants and shoes and again also for the second time nicely smudging the newly installed dinning halls 100% realo wool pile carpet .

Seated ,  i proceed to mulch the wheatabix  into a thick like sludge ; the way i like it , then  spoon feed mylsef untill i am half way through the bowl  from where i then lift the cereal bowl with both hands to my mouth and down my throat it goes , making sure to scrape with my finger the last remaining sediment of sugar and stuff from the base of the cerael bowl .

On that final third Kellog trip i this time  go for the choccos and do that same milk and sugar  fills as i squash with my tootees some soggy choccos which have  found thier way from the  overflooded bowl to that  carpets 100% wool pile as well as  doing the usual spill and stains on my killer all 100% real Italian drop dead outfit.

Finished with phase 1 i move on to phase 2 of my real joe the farmer pigout ; which meants that  i make another 4 trips over to that  buffet ; all in all devouring in that process the following intake : 12 large real farm fresh eggs -12 real English farm pork sauseges - 10 large strips of the real danish bacon - several helpings of fried potatos , fried onions , fried tomatos - 18 slices of toast thickly spread buttered with that real Lurpak real danish butter as well as a couple of side plates filled up with all that  great variety coming from the mother of all chease platters .

No pigout is ever complete without the assistence of  generous helpings of the real Heinz tomato ketchup ,the real Lee and Perrins brown sauce and plenty plenty of that other real great Hellmens mayonaise. Using a fork and always a slice of toast i shovel food into my mouth ; washing all this down with a whole jug full of that real feeshly squeezed Florida orange juice.

And for sure no pigout is ever real without proof  attained in the  varierty of colurfull stains  as i stab and slice and dribble from the side of my mouth  as i chew and munch away  at every morsel and scrap of food on my plate ; all the while engaging in as little conversation as possible making do only with the occasional approving nod at whatever topic the conversation  is about .

Breakfast now finally over  we all stand up and are ready to leave as we head back to my office a couple of blocks away on 36 th street but not before i make one last visit to the buffet taking  4 bagels ,  stuffing 2 in each of my Lanvins jacket pockets as well as going over to the chease platter and taking 8 slices of that  real swiss with the holes  chease and  the same of that great real mature real chedder wrapping them up in a couple of paper napkings and suffing them into my Lanvins  breast pocket ...................to be continued in part four

Comments (1)

Posted by abonawas 03-06-2008 00:55,   how come there is very little comment on stories here .some feedback would be nice   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...

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