I rode out of Torris and headed east. The country was still beautiful, but my heart wasn’t in it, nor was the dun’s. His pace was slower, and I thought I was going to cry. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to.

            After a few hours of travel I stopped for the night. I found a big cave and lead the dun inside. It was cold and quite damp. I undid the saddle and bridal and set it easily on the ground. The dun layed down and I curled up next to the big gelding. If any would have seen the sight they would have a good laugh.

            The dun woke me up right before sun up. As I jumped up he did the same and I heard a very faint rustling noise. It sounded like a man, and in this country it wasn’t anything to put past the idea of being an Apache.

            I pulled my six shooter out when I remembered there only being two shots left in it. I pulled out my bullets and added 4 more into the gun. When I pulled the hammer back I saw who was outside the cave. It was Garret Feind, a gunslinger from Montana.   

“ You don’t mind my company do you?” he asked me.

            “ Not at all.” I answered. I knew this was a step in the wrong direction but the company helped, and the dun didn’t reject. Garret was small in statue and he had long blond hair. He wore a shirt that used to be white and jeans of a color like the dirt under the Texas sky.

            The next morning I arose and I smelled eggs and coffee that was just getting done. The dun apparently had wanted to get up because there was hay and corn in a pile. I got up and when I did the dun moved like a steam train to the feed.

            “ Thanks for not running me off last night.” Garret spoke up, “ I’m Garret Feind by the way.”

            “ Chancellor Riggin, nice meetin ya.” I replied. He handed me some coffee and I graciously took and sat across from him on a big stone in the well lit cave.

            “ Where you headed?” he asked. Taking an egg and handing it to me between two slices of bread.

            “ Away from Torris, you.”

            “ Away from a city next to Torris.”

            I ate the egg and then headed towards my dun. I threw the worn out bridle on him and began the saddling process.

            “ You mind if I ride with you.” He asked.

            I told myself no a million times in my head, but I could use this fellow and he does make some good coffee. “ You got a horse?” I asked.

            “ Yeah he is tied up outside.” He replied eagerly.

            “ Then lets ride.” I said.

            As we rode across the vast plains I thought about if a marshall was to catch us then it would be the noose for me, but I thought I could dump off Garret any time, but as I saw a marshall riding at me, I wasn’t sure if I could ever live a peaceful life again.

Keyword: Chancellor Riggin #2

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Comments (5)

Posted by cookingWine 2008-03-04 16:11:37 .... You need to make me care about the character instead of just telling me what he's doing today. At the end of that story, if he was shot, I wouldn't have felt anything. It's hard to mess up a western, actionwise, but what you need to run with is the character. IE, i couldn't tell you what his home life was like, what he eats for breakfast, or even where he wants to be in five or ten years. + Report this comment
Posted by CAS 2008-03-04 16:30:13 ,,, This is r.e.potter...the madness at storiesvile lives on when commenting sometimes. I have to agree with cookingwine. You have a good premise for a story but I have no feelings for your character. Maybe a prequel with a tad more insight. + Report this comment
Posted by CAS 2008-03-04 17:39:41 .... Do you believe a flashback or daydream would help + Report this comment
Posted by R.E.Potter 2008-03-05 05:24:04 ,,, maybe not, In my stories im usually halfway through before I start discribing my character and what his purpose is. Maybe in #4 or 5 you can give the reader sime insight on who this man is and why he's on the run. + Report this comment
Posted by cookingWine 2008-03-07 19:44:36 .... NO to flashbacks. flashbacks are a cop out for establishing character. you need to think about yourself, how you present yourself, and what that says about you and how you've changed as you've grown. ie, your shoes, your socks, your haircut, if you shave your legs and if you trim your nails all the time, how fast or slow you speak, how often, who to. the key is make me FEEL it, not know it. the reason we read stories is because we like inventing, we like to be given something and make something else out of it. when you TELL us where he's come from, we might as well be watching a vacation slideshow or looking at baby pictures. + Report this comment

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