Breathe No More

She looked into the mirror, her reflection staring back at her in accordance with the Newtonian principles.

She permitted herself a little smile.

She was beautiful. “…To Die For”, as The Vogue described her once.

She was smiling.

Correction, her reflection was smiling.

She was not.

 Inside, she was broken.

Shattered.

Crying.

She wanted to die.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long,
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.

Now her reflection faltered. Its eyes were welling up with tears. Now it registered anger, now fear, finally sorrow. The tears fell down like so many raindrops, crashing down on the porcelain floor below. Her resistance gave way to all the emotions pent up, all she had shut the door on, crashing out, breaking the doors, the walls inside her mind, her heart.

In a frustration and rage brought on by her emotions, she banged hard on the mirror. Nothing. Screaming, she banged again with her bare hands. A small crack. Again. Spiderweb cracks appear now, her determination finally registered by the glass. Again and again she hit out at the mirror, at her reflection. She wanted her to die. Die. Be gone from my life. You were responsible for everything! You were behind it all! DIE!

The mirror finally breaks. Glass rains down, stained crimson. Blood floods her hands, her fists.

All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.

When had it all started to fall apart?

She crawled up into a foetal position and softly cried to herself, the blood from her hands pooling up under her now.

When was it all over? Why? Everything had been so perfect……..and now………

All the little pieces falling shatter.
Shards of me,

Too sharp to put back together.

Eyes glazed over with a thousand-yard-stare, she absent mindedly fiddled with the broken bits of glass.

Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.

Two small swishes.

The cuts weren’t too shallow, nor too deep. But they would do the job. In half an hour or so…maybe even less. She wasn’t sure. This was a first for her.

She lay there on the floor, her life flashing before her eyes. All the moments of joy, sorrow amalgamated in a sort of montage. She smiled. A melancholy smile, while tears overflowed their banks and down to the floor.

Her life ebbing away, with the final few ounces of strength she had left, she crawled up and looked at the mirror again. At her reflection. Trembling hands, she reached out and touched the mirror, in a final effort, perhaps, to feel the woman in the mirror, her reflection.

If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me;
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this
Will make sense when I get better.

Her reflection, which had been a shadow behind her. Hounding her in the path of success, influencing her to follow any and all paths possible, just to get to the top. Abandoning her friends, her relations, everything. Blind ambition – as that shadow had taught her.

But now I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.

She had finally realized her shadow’s motives now. All the while it had been manipulating her, pulling her strings, guiding her in the way she wanted. For success? Yes. But whose success? The shadow’s, the reflection’s own.

Because of the path she chose, she was now loved by all. Loved?  All they loved was her outer appearance. Her reflection. Her shadow. And that was precisely what the woman in the mirror had wanted.

I just can't help but to wonder,
which of us do I love?

Yes. Which of them did she love? Which of them did she want her relatives, her friends, her fans, all people in general, to love?

The answer was simple.

She had to defeat that evil woman in the mirror. She had to get rid of her. Foil her plans…..all her vile, treacherous schemes. She must have revenge.

There was only one way.

So I bleed, I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...
Bleed, I bleed,
And I breathe….
I breathe -
I breathe -

I breathe no more.

And in death, she had the final solace, the final comfort: she had won. Not awards, nor accolades, nor popularity, nor money, nor admirers.

Keyword: breathe no more angst mirror reflection actress trauma recollection

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Comments (5)

Posted by lorislittlesecret 2008-02-25 11:51:39 .... Sad commentary on the way people feel about themselves and one another. + Report this comment
Posted by charmed242 2008-03-02 22:58:40 grrr8 sotry think i;ve commented on this story before.. But i read it again! like i said last time..its grrrrr8!!!!!!!! which is the story u for wich they selected u? + Report this comment
Posted by Egoist 2008-03-14 18:24:07 .... "Spiderweb cracks appear now," I found so much imagery in that quote for some reason. It's such a creepy phrase, but it describes the situation perfectly. Truly the perfect fight to win, though the outcome isn't what anyone wants. There were a whole lot of meanings in this one, a lo described life as it is. I didn't understand one part though. She spoke of getting better, but she died? First she spoke of killing it all, then getting better, then she died...Other than that, I understood everything. It was very sad, but a unique story. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-03-15 12:32:23 .... i admire your writing. this was very powerful. i understand perfectly getting better meant death for her. In the end it seemed like death could only bring her what she wanted. write on! + Report this comment
Posted by deadfamilytree 2008-04-19 04:30:24 .... such an emotional piece..its sad to think that the only way people can escape their inner darkness is to kill themselves. so very powerful...i like this alot + Report this comment

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