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Short Stories Miscellaneous Stories A Good Day For A Bad Mistake
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A Good Day For A Bad Mistake |
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| Written by R.E.Potter | |
| Monday, 25 February 2008 | |
| Last Updated ( Monday, 03 March 2008 ) |
A Good Day For A Bad Mistake
They who are of the opinion that money will do everything, may very
well be suspected to do everything for money.
Benjamin Franklin
1989
Natchez Mississippi
He sat in his small Ford Fiesta resting his hands on the steering wheel as he listened to the cassette recorder that lay across his lap, oblivious to the world around him. Inside, you could hear a pin drop had there been any pins to drop, but at the end of the wire leading into his ear was a completely different sounding world, wedged in his ear was a loud chaotic blast of rock-n-roll madness that was filling his head. But on this day however, he wasn't hearing any of the music that was blasting out from the ear piece, nor did he care too, his mind was elsewhere and with good reason. Today would either be the last day as he knew it; or the beginning of a life that he could only imagine.
Coming out from his self induced trance; he removed the plug from his ear filling the vehicle with soft faint music for a few seconds before clicking the recorder off. Shifting his eyes up to the rearview he let out a deep breath, and while doing so, noticed a bead of sweat clinging to his sideburn; it was then that he knew he was having second thoughts about this whole thing. Wiping the bead away and reaching over; he unlocked the glove box and peered inside to its contents that lay before him, hoping to find the courage that he was beginning to lose... it was there, but then he knew it would be. In the past few weeks he would often gaze upon his newly found courage, mesmerized by its sheer power and beauty, a well crafted piece of raw metal that had the possibilities of changing everything for him as he knew it. As he sat there gazing at the shiny object, he knew that all his hopes and dreams laid at the end of its shiny barrel... his recently obtained Colt Cobra .38 Special.
Three months ago, Devin Lloyd was a hard working man at the local energy plant in his home town in Natchez Mississippi. But now, out of work by a company he had given twenty two years of his life too, and a company who had provided a good life for three generations of his family, had laid him off. With no work offers ringing his phone; and hardly any money left in his savings account, he knew he needed a break, and he knew he needed it quick. The energy plant however had given him hopes in the past weeks of restoring his job by the end of the next fiscal year if a new merger went through, but that was next year, and this was now. With a mortgage over due and a new baby soon to arrive in a few weeks, he realized he would have to make his own breaks, or be broken. He had learned long ago that you can't hang your hopes and dreams on a maybe, and with his newly purchased weapon from the last bit of his savings... that maybe had now become a reality.
Stepping out from his vehicle and into the chilly air, he reached back behind the driver seat and grabbed a sweatshirt and threw it on. Also, he removed the baseball cap that sat on his head and switched it for a bigger floppier hat that would help in his disguise. Now, putting on his oversized wire rimmed sunglasses that he had bought for this one reason, he was ready to set the game in motion. Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped away the beads of sweat that were now forming on his forehead. He looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings that were stretched out before him; unfamiliar because he was a hundred miles from his home, but it was all with good reason he was, no one knew him here. Driving through the small town for the past two hours, he had finally decided on this one... he felt good about this one. It was perfect, small and out of the way, and right next to a ramp that led back out on to the highway. He put his handkerchief back in his pocket, reshuffled his sweatshirt and turned and focused his attention to the building.
Walking over to its entrance, he looked at his reflection that was bouncing off the glass doors. Standing there staring at himself; he wondered how it had gotten to this point of desperation, not for the reason he was standing there; he knew that... but how. He had never broken any laws, nor did he ever once entertain the thought of doing so, but there he was; getting ready to do just that.. Still staring at his reflection, he thought of his wife and his new baby that would soon arrive, he thought of the kind of life they would have without him if he were to get caught and placed behind bars, but then he thought what kind of life they would have with him, a man without a job, and a family who was out of luck and out of money. It was now or never. He took a deep breath; felt for the gun that was tucked under his sweatshirt for reassurance, opened the door and walked into the Lincoln County Federal Bank and Loan.
Standing in the line behind the row of people, he noticed his palms were now beginning to sweat, and second thoughts had now begun to enter his mind. After all, he wasn't a bad person, and he certainly wasn't raised this way by his preacher father. But then again, he had given all he had to the energy plant; and for what... to be bankrupt, to go hungry. He wasn't concerned however for himself, but he had a family to think of, and they deserved better. No, this was the only way. He reached under his shirt for the gun, and before he had time to rethink it through...it began.
"This is a stick-up, everyone down on the floor with your hands on top of your heads!! As the chaotic madness unfolded, those in the front hit the floor as they were told, while some of the others towards the back darted out the entrance in a mad rush. No time to worry about them now; the robbery was in full motion, and the initial confusion that ensued after the first words of the robbery were spoken, had now settled quietly down, and with the weapon brandished, control was now in order.
"Everybody remain calm, don't do nothing foolish and you won't get hurt."
Turning the attention to the teller, demands were now made and threats were given.
"Give me all the damn cash you have in the registers and all the cash you have anywhere else, now lets move it. Any funny business or sudden movements... and you die.
Everything seemed to be going the way he had pictured it all in his mind. The teller was loading stacks of money inside the bags from all registers, and everyone was remaining calm and quiet on the floor. Everything seemed to be going as planned... until.
"Freeze, drop the weapon and don't move from your spot, place your hands in the air."
In all the excitement, he hadn't noticed the police officer who had entered the bank through the front door. With the weapon dropped and out of his hands; the game was over just as fast as it started, and as the police escorted him out in handcuffs... Devin Lloyd thought to himself. He thought about his wife and how disappointed she would be in him. He thought about the unborn child who would never know what a good and honest man he really was, and he thought about a life thrown away behind bars from this one desperate act, and the one time beads of sweat... had now become tears. As he picked himself off the floor and dusted off, he thought of one last thing... How lucky he was that someone else hollered out first, and decided to rob the Lincoln County Federal Bank and Loan... before he did.
R.E.Potter
Comments (31) |
 02-25-2008 08:37, Nice twist. It's sad that some have to come to this point in their life, but it does happen.... » Reply to this comment...  02-25-2008 10:35, switcheroo! well done mister potter, well done! now, on to the serious stuff. NOBODY sits at their seat trying to pick a vehicle for a get away and comes up with a Ford Fiesta. heck, half the planet doesn't know what a fiesta is. so cough it up - what's the potter story behind the fiesta? » Reply to this comment...  02-25-2008 11:17, Those cars would be great for a getaway wouldn't they..lol,,had the character own the speedy Fiesta to show that he was a man just barely making it already. Also, dated it like I did before the had detecters going into banks. » Reply to this comment... 02-25-2008 11:28, Hey I know what a Ford Fiesta is....what does that say about my tax bracket? Hahahaha!! » Reply to this comment...  02-25-2008 12:13, That was a really good story. But I started thinking, ".38 special? I thought that it was a .357 magnum. Yes, you can use .38 special, but I am quite sure a Cobra is .357." I got it confused with the Colt King Cobra. » Reply to this comment... 02-25-2008 12:17, The Colt Cobra is a small, short-barrelled revolver chambered in .38 Special and .22 LR formerly made by Colt's Manufacturing Company. » Reply to this comment... 02-25-2008 12:25, Atleast thats what yahoo tells me,,not a gun guy myself. » Reply to this comment...  02-25-2008 12:44, Does'nt matter what gun it should be, this is a bloody good story Russell, i felt the man's relief at the end. As always good job done.I feel a bit sad though, my first car was a fiesta, 3 years ago. » Reply to this comment...  02-25-2008 16:05, The very first time I envision an avatar of thunder as a marauding, deranged character which lives about rambling and doesn't finish the job it threatens to: bite. But lookin' out fer number one never bit it so hard I don' think. So what the heck is left of a person who has sold his/her spiritual foundation? No, much as this sounds religious, I'll give 'religious' another meaning: Preservation of the self. This story is outstanding because, it conveys values, namely overlooked values of both morals and ideals. By ideals, I mean 'anti-globalization of purity.' Try me, what I saw there will perhaps be just another read to many of the 'review is all I do': another matter of morals and ideals. You've got'n across how filthy things are around yer character and how much y'care about it...let me say Perceptive story shining where it should, doing what it must and leaving a good aftertaste: Aye, this is jolly artsy. (Yeah, I'm that bad of a reviewer today) 'Anna » Reply to this comment...  02-26-2008 05:25, Good story my man. I liked the building up to the climax. Well done. » Reply to this comment...  02-26-2008 16:51, ending! that was a great story. i was screaming in my head "no don't do it man!" then that last sentence was an amazing ending. that was a great idea! » Reply to this comment...  02-28-2008 18:00, Good opening and good sentences. I could use more getting into how low it's gotten, a little more into the character and a little less into the action. » Reply to this comment... 02-28-2008 18:34, The action was all but three sentences...any less and there wouldn't be a story. I keep my stories for this site around 1500 words so the reader might actually read it... but thanks for your comment. » Reply to this comment... 02-28-2008 19:41, the action was the second paragraph, the third with the exception of "He had learned long ago that you can't hang your hopes and dreams on a maybe...", the fifth paragraph with the exception of "He had never broken any laws, nor did he ever once entertain the thought of doing so, but there he was; getting ready to do just that", and the "now or never" bit, well, that's what i think at least. things that happen in the past is action, not just things in the present. i'm not trying to come off abrasive if that's how it sounds. i'm just pulling for more showing lines like, "Standing in the line behind the row of people, he noticed that his palms were now beginning to sweat" instead of telling lines like "and a feeling was coming over him not to go through with this" this is my favorite of all that i've read of yours. » Reply to this comment... 02-29-2008 03:13, Not taken it as abrasive. Constuctive critisism. But I still fail to see any action in the 1st,2nd,or third paragraphs, unless 'coming out of his self induced trance' is action as you see it. I admit some lines could be re-done and perhaps I'll edit them in and out one day. Thanks for taking time to read, it shows im not wasting my time writing them. » Reply to this comment...  03-01-2008 12:09, Dang man. You threw me off to all hell with that twist at the end. Good story. » Reply to this comment...  03-01-2008 15:07, Not sure I understood the quote in the beginning. But hey, that Benny Franklin was quite the character wasn't he. Oh, about the story. Very good I thought. Very well told, and very good end. Now if I could just figure out what Benny was trying to say. hmmm » Reply to this comment...  03-01-2008 16:13, I liked it, nice ending. Lucky for him sombody had already plotted the same thing in the same hour, a miricle for the main charector in the story and a great wake up call. I dont think the main chars ever gonna do anything illegle again. Have a good day :) » Reply to this comment... 03-01-2008 16:15, I understood the quote, maybe ppl who cant relate as much dont understand , which is ok » Reply to this comment...  03-02-2008 03:13, very nice bait and switch. I know what the sort of relief is like. lol. It's like being interrupted during a suicide attempt, or having a deadline you aren't ready to meet extended at the last moment. Or an exam cancelled. lol. Very nice... specially how the sentences danced around and managed not to say anything that was false considering the ending. » Reply to this comment... 03-02-2008 03:32, ok..this is a purely technical/grammatical note, but some sentences seemed to have a degree of redundancy. like: "...that would help aid in his disguise..." might be better to just use only 'help' or 'aid' or: "...wiped away the even more beads of sweat ..." but tiny grammar nit-picks aside... this was a real revelation at the end! nice. » Reply to this comment... 03-02-2008 07:47, I will take all of yours and cookingwines suggestions into consideration. I see both your points. » Reply to this comment...  03-02-2008 16:00, That was, as always, a quality piece of writing Mr Potter. » Reply to this comment...  03-02-2008 20:16, I didn't see the end coming. There s room for this one to continue...I'd be interested in the main character visiting the bank robber in his jail cell for a talk. That guy has a story too. Thanks for a good story! » Reply to this comment... 03-03-2008 11:56, did you improve the formatting or is it that I am not using Opera now? Looks very nice. Must repeat, my criticisms were just a bit of grammatical nit-picking. This is a great story. The feeling of interrupted suicide and rebirth is really excellently done! » Reply to this comment... 03-03-2008 12:00, Never been good with grammar, and no, haven't really touched anything up from the original posting except one line. thanks again for taking time out to reading it. » Reply to this comment...  03-06-2008 11:02, Good read; enjoyed. » Reply to this comment... 03-07-2008 07:05, What a great story. » Reply to this comment...  03-19-2008 06:41, sweet twist (Y) » Reply to this comment...  03-22-2008 00:13, where were the nazis » Reply to this comment... 03-22-2008 05:41, Nazis? » Reply to this comment... |
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