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The Breakup Dream |
| Written by Jean | |
| Friday, 15 February 2008 | |
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Share it:      15 Feb 2008, 10pm Dear Diary, I guess things ain't going on well after all. Angie had been rather nonchalant everytime I told her that I loved her. All she's been talking about these days were about her workloads and stress. I don't know what am I suppose to do to lessen all the stress that she's experiencing. I'm stressed too. She's the only girl who gave me this special feeling and I don't wanna lose her at all. She told me she's gonna go overseas next week for 4 months. How the hell am I gonna survive for 4 months without her? If it weren't because of her work, I wouldn't have let her go overseas for so long. I feel weird without her. Well, she doesn't seem to understand how much I care for her. Or maybe she doesn't care. It took so much courage for me to tell her all my thoughts and she's not responding well to them. I just want her to know that I don't wanna lose her. She doesn't seem to be keeping to her promise. John told me that he saw her making out with Ken at the club. I told him I don't believe him. He said "Mike! The whole club knows your girl's a wild one." I guess that "I love you forever" was said without much consideration. Why does she love to fling that word around. It loses its meaning somehow. I'm getting so sad I can't take it anymore. This thing is making me feel worst that usual. I feel that I'm a burden to her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16 Feb 2008, 10pm Dear Diary, I have very weird dreams when I feel stressed. There used to be a time when Mike and I enjoyed the awkward moments where we have nothing to say and fall silent. We'd stare into each others eyes and dream about kissing those lips. Mike will then blush and turn away and I'd smack his back and fall into his arms. Well, you know it's real if Mike can even blush. And he was so cute. I was so glad I saw that side of him cos his friends were always talking about how macho he was. Bet they never saw that side of him. Now, things are just getting really boring. He blushes far too much. We haven't even frenched! 3 months already! (fine, 3 weeks.)I mean, I do love him the way he is. It's just that we're moving far too slow and it's getting really frustrating to dream about kissing him every night. He shouldn't be so unsure anymore. With all the piling workload and lack of physical intimacy(thanks to Mr Shy Boy Mike)... I'm getting really irritated. I know it's doesn't make sense but still! He needs to show me some love. Hey, he hesitates even at hugging! That makes kissing a tad further already. I know he may be a little more shy than guys my age since I'm 2 years older than him... But he gotta learn somehow. If only I knew he'd be so shy then... Anyway, I had a really weird dream yesterday. Again. It was very very long. Again. Recently all my dreams seem like forever and they are very very real. I almost freaked out when I woke up cos it was so real. Other than the usual Mike-and-I-together-forever dream, I had other really random stuff going on which I couldn't remember. Then there's this one specific part which I remember very clearly. I dreamt that I dreamt of (yes, you got that right) hugging Jake and frenching him. Then the next part of the dream was I woke up (yes, very confusing) and started talking to Mike about this random guy called Ken... Ok, that's the cute guy at the club who bought me a drink... And made out with me after that. Yes, I know! Who can resist a cute guy who's so open about everything? I felt his abs when I slid my hands up his shirt and I was like, Oh my God. He's so hot. Oh my, I hope Mike (who's at the next desk writing his diary) doesn't come over to look at what I'm writing. So yeah, I told Mike about Ken (didn't tell him about the make out part. Doh.) I couldn't remember what he said but I think he got really emo after that. Well, he's always jealous easily so it's not very surprising. Somehow he got out of the room and told me that he had returned me all the gifts I have ever gave him. Oh, we have this cute couple box where we store all the gifts and letters we gave each other. Anyway, yes. In my dream he told me that his box was emptied. Then I dreamt that I fell asleep again and somehow got through the next part of the dream that didn't make any sense. Dreams. Oh well. I better go check out Mike. He seems really weird today. Still as quiet as ever... but a little too quiet. Sigh, I hope he somehow gets a hint about our relationship getting a tad too boring for me. Besides, I'm going to travel around with my girls (and some guys) next week for 4 freaking months! How cool is that? Mike didn't want me to go... But I told him it's about work. Teehee! Well, I can't always stay by his side and give him encouragements whatsoever anyway. And someone's gotta take care of things here also... PLUS Chrissy told me she managed to get Jake to join us. I better be there looking really appealing =) Did I mention that Jake is so friggin' hot? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16 Feb 2008, 10pm Dear Diary, Well, I AM a burden to her. We had a talk last midnight. She was really tired and was half awake but I could hear what she was mumbling about. She thinks that I'm boring and not as exciting she thought I was. There were lots more she said (including the mention about the notorious playboy Jake... And Ken). When she fell asleep again she kept talking about Ken's abs and how hot he was. She could have told me straight in the face that I was getting a tad too boring for her. It wasn't as if I'd hold on to her stubbornly. And she acted as if nothing happened today. I guess all she wants is physical intimacy and sex. I don't get why that's the ultimate goal for her in this relationship. I think it's very shallow and un-her. She came to me as a sweetie who's always encouraging me emotionally. I thought that she was different. But that's the past now. She's just like any other sleazy low-life ***** who goes gaga over good sex. I guess someone like her prolly won't understand how it feels like to be happy that someone would always be there for them. I'm leaving her tomorrow. Poured all her gifts back into her box yesterday. Somehow I feel kinda excited about it. She's been far too unreactive to the efforts I put in (like, helping her tend the house and pay the bills despite having my own work to tend to as well..And putting effort to be romantic.). It's tiring and I wonder how I managed to survive all these crap when I could just join my brothers in the club. Unappreciative. Well, I hope she finds out that I wrecked up her car.
Copyright 2008 Jean |
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 16 February 2008 ) |
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