The birds sang their morning song. A shrill, complicated harmony of chirps echoed through the trees, only decodeable by the birds themselves. The sun played in the treetops, illuminating through the branches and waking the woodland’s lively array of creatures. A gravel trail snaked through the pines and up hills. Horseshoe-shaped prints were imprinted on the trail where the gravel was scarce.
    Katie sat on an antsy, giant buckskin at the mouth of the trail. Trooper was his name. He tossed his head and chomped at the bit---they called these kinds of horses “luggers”---ready to take to the trail. Katie didn’t understand why he was so excited---he had traveled this trail many times before.
    Her horse was anxious, yet she stood at the base of trail, staring down the winding gravel path until it disappeared around a corner of brush. Though she couldn’t see it, she knew the trail well enough to know there was a steep hill just around the corner. There was a series of stones protruding from the hill instead of gravel, which she used as an aid to make it to the bottom without falling. After the “stairs” there was a wide, yet shallow stream that ran across the trail. There were several of these throughout the park, but this one was especially dangerous if you had a “jumper.” If your horse attempted to jump, he may slip on the smooth rock on the other side and send you tumbling blindly down the hill that immediately followed the stream.
    Katie closed her eyes. She remembered what she learned last week. Her mind escaped to the hospital, where the doctor was talking to her parents. Her mother was crying. Katie stood by, but she wasn’t listening. She couldn’t bear to hear the horrifying news that would change her life.
    You might start losing your hair within the year.
    There was the sound of rushing hooves and Katie’s eyes snapped open. She saw a blur of black pass by her and saw the rump of a horse disappear around the brush. A horse had gotten loose from the corral, where she had turned them out just before saddling Trooper. She felt the bundle of nerves beneath her lurch forward, anxious to chase the escapee. Katie squeezed the reins and collected him, then they were off.
    The threat of the horse falling was clear. It didn’t slow Trooper down. He bounded down the stone staircase and his ears pricked forward as he spotted the escaped horse up ahead, cautiously making her way across the stream. At the sight of horse and rider, the horse (Katie recognized her as Celebrity, the petite black broodmare who was especially mischievous) quickened her pace and leapt over the stream. She slipped on the stone but collected herself and bounded down the hill on the other side, disappearing.
    Trooper was grinding the bit between his teeth. Katie’s knuckles were white around around the reins, sawing at his mouth. His head was up, fighting her. He won. He clenched the bit between his teeth and within three giant strides he was speeding towards the stream. Katie was out of control, and she knew it. She pushed her hat down on her head and leaned forward, encouraging the horse and pulsing with him.
    The stream approached and Katie sighed with relief as her horse slowed to gather himself. She knew he was going to jump, and she held on. He leapt and cleared the stream well enough. His grip was good, for he was a reining horse. His powerful rump propelled him down the hill gracefully. Once at the bottom, he took giant strides that felt like leaps. He extended himself wonderfully and chased after the rogue mare, who was galloping away up ahead.
    Katie’s eyes began to water. No need to blame it on the wind. Her mind had escaped once again to several nights ago. It was after she had been to the hospital, and she was with her friends at her best friend’s birthday party. Everyone was celebrating. It was a great night, but Katie’s mind was not at the party. She was planning out how she was going to travel the path ahead of her that had taken a violent turn.
    Are you okay? Is something bothering you?
    I’m fine.
    She had lied to them. She had lied to her best friends, but she knew she would have ruined the cheerful mood of the party and she dared not repeat the words of her doctor, ones that had not been muttered around her house since she had been to the hospital. There was nothing else she could do but lie.
    Katie’s hand dropped to her side. She saw that Trooper’s massive gait had gotten them closer to the sluggish broodmare, whose gallop had been gradually declining over the years from many pregnancies. The gelding’s dark muzzle was inches from the mare’s rump. If Trooper could get in front of her, Katie could simply turn her around and herd her back to the barn.
    You might start losing your hair within the year.
    Are you okay? Is something bothering you?
    I’m fine.
    The entire world froze. There was a hiccup in the atomosphere and Katie’s conscience subsided while the horse she was chasing came to an abrupt stop. The horse who had been so well trained to stop on the slightest cue blew past Celebrity, disregarding Katie’s desperate attempts to stop him, and barrelled straight through a deep stream that the wise mare had avoided. The gelding’s massive stride was weakened by the weight of the water. His legs crossed and his head went down into the water as his rear end went in the air in a frantic buck, throwing Katie from the saddle and into the frenzy of splashing mud and water below. She pulled herself to the other side of the stream just as Trooper did a somersalt into the water. He was thrashing his legs violently, unable to stand. Celebrity had already wheeled around and was sprinting back towards the barn.
    Minutes passed and finally Trooper’s thrashing diminished. He was panting heavily and his snout was reaching toward Katie, as if he would find relief from her. Katie’s eyes began to water as they drifted toward his legs. A foreleg was snapped cleanly at the knee, the bone protruding. Trooper could not stand. As Katie’s father would say, “When a horse can’t stand, he can’t live.”
    Katie felt nothing. Her mind was blank as she reached for the soaked saddlebag that had been dangling from the saddle, yet now lay in a puddle, shaken free from the commotion. She opened it and searched for what she needed. When she grasped what she was looking for, she was surprised at how comfortable it felt in her hand---like holding her mother’s hand. She pulled it out and examined it.
    It was wet, but surely it could still fire. She cocked it and placed it under Trooper’s jaw. His eyes were white with fear. He had seeked her comfort, and he would receive it. She ended his pain with one bullet.
    Katie sobbed. Her heart sank, heavy with the burden of life. She grabbed her ginger hair under her hat and pulled. She pulled until a handful came out into her fist. She cried harder.
    There was a rush of realization in Katie’s veins. She stopped crying and looked up. She gazed to the treetops and focused on small bit of blue sky that was showing between them. Her eyes were red and swollen from the tears. A single cloud passed by and a bird sang. The bird’s song was a lullaby. The shrill whistles lulled her over, and she closed her eyes. She kept her head tilted towards the sky and let a single beam of sunlight dance warmly on her tear-stained skin.
    You might start losing your hair within the year.
    Are you okay? Is something bothering you?
    Katie spoke softly to herself. “I’m not okay. There’s nothing left for me. I need a miracle. I don’t belong here. I belong in the sky, dancing with the angels. Singing with the birds.”
    The cool metal of the skinny barrel touched her temple. Her steady hand squeezed the trigger. The bird’s song ended.