Two hours into Africa, Tempest and Cornelius ran out of money and glow sticks. Tempest didn’t really miss the money, but the glow sticks had really helped the journey pass quickly and now all that was left was Cornelius’s rambling anecdotes about the war.

“And another thing…” Cornelius mumbled on, “the jungle is not place to hold a naked charity fun run. Half my company was shot dead, and although it was the ugly half, I still miss my brothers in arms to this day. Ugly bastards.” Cornelius wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.

“Corny, old friend,” said Tempest, “I think it’s time I told you why we’re here.”
“I know why we’re here,” said Cornelius, “it was my idea.”

“It was? You bastard, why are we here?”

“You don’t know?”
“Of course I do, I just want to hear you say it…”
“Well,” said Cornelius, “we’re here to celebrate the union of the horse and the tiger…We’re here to see the zebras!”

“Cornelius, zebras didn’t come from horses and tigers reproducing…” said Tempest.

“They didn’t? But what about the stripes? The Four legs? The vicious teeth? The predilection to Suduko?”

“It’s all circumstantial, convergent evolution at work.”

“What’s a circumcised convent gentle lotion ?

“It’s something you just made up,” Tempest replied.

“Thank god for that, it sounded very gay to me.”

“Zebras are not gay!”

“That’s a bit homophobic. They can be if they want to. It’s the 21^st century you know Tempest, you should live and let live.”

“Where’s the gin Cornelius?” Asked Tempest.

“In my belly, where it belongs.”

“O…k… Where’s the ***** Cat Dolls cd?”

“On the road two hundred miles back, where it belongs…”

“You’re a harsh critic, Cornelius Lee,” Tempest said, smiling at his friend.

“And you’re jobless drunk, Tempest Peacock.”

“Agreed. Ok Captain, where are these zebras then?”

“I’m bored of zebras, I want to go to London and show the Queen my bottom.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got a little spot on it and I want her advice.”

“Is there really no alcohol left?” Asked Tempest.

“Only what dripped onto my jumper while I was guzzling the bottle a few hours back.”
“Well then. Pass me your jumper and let’s get out of here…”

Tempest and Cornelius turned their little green car around and headed north towards Europe and the Queen of England in order to get some very personal advice.

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Comments (2)

Posted by tarhead 2008-02-11 11:56:59 i think that for me, the second one - justified the first. i had read the first very quickly when it first popped out, but it is hard to commit to characters that you don't know - that you may never meet again... so for me, the first kinda came and went, with a note in my skull that you're writing style was pretty funny. the two of them together works very well, i think - but i'm a nutcase. write on! + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-02-11 19:11:20 .... i'd love to read more about these two charecters...they seem opposites but go together so well + Report this comment

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