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It was winter break, I was a senior in high school and I had been chilling all break.  I'm not a big fan of winter.  It gets dark way too quick and its way to cold in these Missouri hills for my fancy.  I had started the day like any other day thus far; got out of bed, Emailed some bodies in other states, popped in some Pop Tarts and set down to view my current favorite flick ("High Society") for about the 20 to 30th time. 

After about 10 minutes of some witty lines and great Cole Porter numbers with Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly and Louis Armstrong it hit me.  Those Pop Tarts were taking an awfully long time.  I rose from my chair in the living room and walked into the kitchen, took a quick glance to the toaster on the counter (like I had done thousands of times before).  Sure enough, those Pop Tarts hadn't revealed their warm selves to the world, yet.  I started to re-enter the living room when it hit me... there were flames coming out of that toaster.

I jumped back into the kitchen and looked again... flames were shooting of the toaster.  I ran over and stood over it thinking things,

"Blanket?  No."

"Lots of water?  No."

"Roll on the ground?  No."

I unplugged the toaster from the wall and then pulled the lever up on the toaster to pop the Pop Tarts out (not sure why I did that part), but I nearly burned my face when the Pop Tarts and flames shot out and up at my shocked face.   I grabbed a towel and was going to grab the hot toaster and make a run for the outside world, but then it occurred to me that the door was shut.  I ran into the living room and flung the door and screen door open.  I knew the screen door spring was broken, so I just needed to fling it open and it would stay open.

I rushed back to the kitchen, grabbed the toaster with both hands and using the towel.  I darted out of the kitchen and through the living room.  To my horror, I saw the screen door slowly closing towards me as I ran for the world.

It shut just as I reached it.  I then tried to open the door with my elbow, but to no avail, I then used the flaming toaster to push the latch open and I was out the door.  On the concrete patio, standing in my pajamas and sandals I threw the flaming toaster to the ground.  I stomped on it repeatedly with my sandals.  Eventually, the flames died down and I was free of the flame.

I stood in the cold, slowly regaining my breath.

Then cometh the laughter.  It would last for the next 30 minutes as I was Emailing the amusing anecdote to all my friends.  Needless to say, I didn't eat any Pop Tarts that morning.

 THE END.

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Comments (7)

Posted by 1800 2008-02-07 12:55:05 .... I eat them cold. + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by tarhead 2008-02-07 13:59:47 haven't read it yet just wanted you to know, that i read the title and cracked up... and now i will read. + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by tarhead 2008-02-07 14:03:27 where are the neighbors with the video cameras when we need them. with adhd i have the reverse event happen. i will pop something into the toaster, and then walk past the toaster an hour later and wonder who made the toast and didn't eat it. when i cook, i do not leave the kitchen for fear of burning the house down. my sweetheart has a little hand written note stuck with magnets on the exhaust hood that says "turn the stove off". we have electric (i hate electric) burners, and to me no flame means no fire... write on! + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by onyxdragon 2008-02-07 14:06:06 Cold Pop Tarts I could never get into eating them cold. It just never did it for me. They gotta be warm and gooey. That's just me. I know lots of people can eat it cold, but for some reason I just can't go there. + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by Captain Morgen 2008-02-07 17:59:13 .... hehe, I can't say anything like that has ever happened to me, probably because I am a health freak and don't eat pop tarts, but good story :P + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by Jimbo 2008-02-07 23:28:47 .... I had forgotten how much I used to enjoy pop-tarts. My trick is turning the morning coffee into a thick tar-like substance by the end of the day by leaving the heat on under the caraf. Not enough action to draw a story out of that, though. On the other hand... + Report this comment    + Delete this comment
Posted by Reese 2008-02-10 15:22:44 ... That was so very funny, Keep it up. + Report this comment    + Delete this comment

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