|
|
|
Unsure |
| Written by Steven | |
| Friday, 01 February 2008 | |
Things were falling apart once more as I realized I had lost her. ******* up seemed to come easy to me, so why was I so stunned that I let her slip away? At least I couldn’t possibly make anything worse. Everything I had once known was gone now, either sick of me or to fragile for me to allow breaking. Happiness in life seemed to be defined by the idea of getting what you want and keeping it close, practically against its will. Yet, everything demands freedom, or the ability to do what it wants, so wouldn’t happiness in part force sadness on everything? Laughing to myself, I had once again stumbled on the idea of universal balance that I thought so correct and once easily defined. Well life had certainly taught me different so far, and here I sat still trying to figure things out. People want definitions and meanings, yet life only seems to make sure that there is always an exception to that. I could lay here pondering the meanings of life and the big questions all night, yet I still wouldn’t get anywhere. I can’t fix the problems I’ve created just by thinking it all out, no, yet I also can’t figure out what to do to make anything right either. Leaning forward I glared at the city below, focusing on the translucent lights, hoping to pull my head out of this muck. The city sprawled out to the bases of the hills and mountains encasing it, a centerpiece of “life” amidst the natural order. I found myself here above the glowing world in this flurry of colors and simplicity often growing up; hell even now I was looking for escape by coming here. Thinking of the week’s earlier events my body felt the shock of agony, my eyes burning as they watered while the wind blew on them. It would be best to just remain here and die, catching myself on that thought I noticed the fear I had for such a sensible thought. The rustle of the trees showed me just how far my mind had wandered as I snapped back to reality. A dead limb came loose as the wind blew through the tree, and fell to the ground before it snapped on impact. Looking around, the trees surrounded me in almost a grand circle, although they certainly weren’t so uniform. A few sprawled out enough to entangle themselves in the tree’s limbs beside them, creating the feel of a never-ending wall of wood and leaves. The bark appeared nearly black in this moonlit night, a suitable background for the various greens of leaves. Such a place felt alive with energy, the wind almost granting the trees the power of speech with their rustling leaves. I sat down. And let myself fall into my surroundings. The grass beneath me was soft, like a beautiful carpet as it rolled down the hill. The summer breeze carried a damp scent with it, reminding me of the fertile lands around me. Laying back I saw before me the universe, and all of its dark openness. Away from the city the stars and planets shone brightly in the sky. The black seemed only the grand canvas for the work of art that was the night sky. Each twinkling light spoke of a different world, a different life, a different way of doing things. I was mesmerized by the possibilities each star represented, while feeling the urge to leave this life and embrace a new one. They were more than just a second chance; yes they were a redefining of this life, with new talents and limits. I let myself sip into those fantasies, seeing worlds of only simple changes, and worlds of different societies filled with elements of a grand fantasy. No, these kinds of thoughts weren’t safe, and I opened my eyes as I stood up. Those kinds of ideas only stood to tear away at my grasp on reality, and I knew not what I would do if I lost that. Now the breeze brought a certain chill with it, not letting me forget that fall was nearly here. Taking a look back once more, the trees towered up showing the power of nature as they reached for the stars. The tips of the trees were laced with white starlight, standing out sharply against the black night sky. My eyes slowly moved down, as the trees only grew thicker the farther down I traveled. Now at the base of the trees, I stared hard at the dark background between two trunks of trees. It called to me, and I felt this whisper more than I heard it, and I began stepping towards it. Moving closer I stepped on a stick and it snapped, the noise pulled me back once more into myself. It had been a long night, and I was ill-prepared to journey through the dark woods. Turning around, I moved towards the bottom of the hill, wearing a hard expression on my face as I tried to gain control of my tumbling mind. The city down below caught my eye, and I followed the lights as I headed down the hill, letting the night’s illusions play themselves out once more in my head. Copyright 2008 Steven |
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
via Email