Herbert did not take his
eyes off the ground as he crossed the street. The prospect of him getting run
over by a car did not worry him as much as the prospect of meeting someone he
knew and having to talk to them, or even worse, having to talk to someone he
did not know. He preferred to go unnoticed, to blend in the crowd, never to
attract any attention to himself. Of course, it was next to impossible to blend
in the crowd with his favorite light-green checkered shirt. It was not his
favorite though. A few weeks ago, he had entered a store where a sweet young
woman had gone out of her way to try to find something that he would like. By
the time Herbert had realized there was nothing in that store for him, he had
wasted so much of the woman's time that he felt compelled to repay her in some
way. A hundred and fifty dollars was a small price to pay for not feeling
awkward in her presence. He did, however, end up feeling uncomfortable and
ashamed that he had spent all this money on something that he did not like. It
worried him. Therefore he had made it a point to wear the shirt and to make it
his favorite, even though he hated it because it reminded him of his anxiety. Then
again, he had to remind himself of his anxiety if he was to overcome it. All in
all, it was not all that bad. Somehow he had managed to find someone to love
him. Marla would patiently wait for him at home, ready to comfort him. She made
him feel insecure and afraid, though. But he loved her. He shared all his feelings
with her. Still, that made him feel more insecure. One day she would surely get
tired of absorbing all his emotional burdens, she would leave him, he was sure
of it. He even shared that thought with her, which made him even more
apprehensive and insecure around her. He
had thought about it. It was impossible to share all his vulnerabilities with
her and then feel comfortable around her. But he still did it anyway. The more
he shared, the more awkward and insecure he felt and the more they grew apart.
He knew that too, but he tried not to think about that. If he thought about it,
surely he would share it with her and make things even worse.
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