...an apology...
ZQ 1/27/08

I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I didn't get there in time. I thought I would. I tried to. I tried. I ran and told myself I would get there before anything went wrong. I ran and said over and over "I will get there before..." Well... You know. Before he did what I almost did. I was intent on stopping it. I was. Really. I really DID run.

I wasn't going to at first. I wasn't going to be a hero. I wasn't going to risk anything for him. But... I did. I went to him when I could feel him losing it and I didn't waste any time. I put on a determined face and grabbed my coat and ran.

Halfway there I thought I maybe should've taken the car, but I would've had to had the keys. I didn't. Taking the time to find them would've maybe even caused me be on time. Ironically. Or late. I don't know how you would look at it. I was on time for something. I know that.

I had things to do last night, no matter how shallow that sounds. But I didn't do any of them. I went to him just like you said I would. Just like you promised me I would. Just like you SWORE I would do. I did what you told me I would do and I ran to him. 

I had no idea what I would do once I got there because I had nothing prepared and no reason to convince him. I thought, as I ran, that I wouldn't be helping him anyways and that there was no point in even going. But.... I went. I went despite... In spite of my questioning and fear and unsuspecting... I don't know, innocence?

And when I ran I felt every footstep thunder through me like... I don't know. It hurt, and I truthfully considered turning around and going back. I had the stove on and water was boiling. I had the TV on and I'd been watching some re-run of "Dawson's Creek". I don't even like that show, but still, I was WATCHING IT. I HAD a reason to go home. If not for burning pots and missed plots of pointless teenage drama, then for me. I could've gone home for me. IF I'd gone home, it would've been for me.

I didn't deserve what I was diving into. I was finished with it and done with it and it was OVER. But there I was throwing myself right back into what I was done with. And why? Because I was stupid and had no self control. None. But what did it matter? It wouldn't have helped. Like you SAID, "no matter what, no matter what you say or feel, or think, no matter how you live or what you want to do, you will RETURN to him. You will go to him. You will run to him. No matter what." What does self control have to do with destiny? It doesn't.

Like you said. I would go. I went. Of course, you didn't tell me whether or not I would get terrified and run back home. So I considered it. I thought "Well she said I would go and I went, but she didn't say I would make it there. She didn't say THAT." But I did. I made it there and I didn't go back. I kept running. I really don't even think I could've went back if I'd tried. I was headstrong. Maybe your "destiny" pushed me to it. Whatever.

I went. I got there. I opened the door and went inside and turned around and around and... And I saw. I saw and I nearly died from seeing it. I started to gasp and carry on and I fell down to my knees nearby. But I didn't touch him and I didn't speak and though I'd convinced myself I was out of this horrible mess and this would never happen again... I saw that it would. That it DID. And I couldn't just deny anymore. I didn't scream and break things like you'd expect. I just stood there, or kneeled there really. And I cried. I cried and prayed inside that it wasn't happening. That it hadn't happened. BUt I couldn't convince myself and eventually I expected it.

So... I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I didn't get there in time.

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Comments (3)

Posted by tarhead 2008-01-30 17:45:43 nice that was nicely done. + Report this comment
Posted by tshandruk 2008-01-30 17:48:16 *gasp* When I read the first few lines, I thought this was going to be another crappy, choppy, ill-constructed mess of a story. Well I was damn wrong! It almost reads like a poem, with all the stops and all. Although you didn't actually state it, the reader can tell what's going on. The prophet or whatever really adds a hint of paranormality (pretty sure that's a word!) to the already mysterious event description. I would've loved this just the same, possibly more if it were in a poetic form, but that's just me. +Great, fast-paced plot. Nice mystery and such. I was actually breathing heavy at the end. -Read like a poem, in paragraph form, which made it somewhat hard (for me) to read. 5/5 + Report this comment
Posted by lorislittlesecret 2008-01-31 08:03:14 .... This is the second time that I have come back to this story...I love it's melodic flow... + Report this comment

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