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Don't Worry, Just ProcrastinateThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Paul Goosia | |
| Friday, 18 January 2008 | |
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Share it:      "Don't Worry, Just Procrastinate" - by Paul Goosia
You know, the only day worth living for is Saturday. Monday sucks the most, and the further you go the less suckier it gets. Wednesday, hmmm . . . halfway there. By Friday things are a lot brighter cause the next day is Saturday. But then Sunday comes, you just cant live it to your fullest cause you're busy worrying that Monday is just round the corner. Man, if only everyday was a Saturday. Then we'd have nothing to worry about. Then again we'd have a lot to worry about cause everyone would be wondering why no one was going to work.
Anyways where does my story begin? It all started on the first day of the week - Saturday. So on this particular Saturday morning, I awoke to find my roommate Mitch screwing a hot chick three meters away from my mattress. I was like "Man get a room!", only to remember that my roommate and I lived in a one room apartment. They didn't take notice of what I said and continued at it under the sheets. I was sure Mitch was doing it on purpose to poke fun at the fact that I hadn't gotten laid in over three months. Easy for him, he had the looks, the cool-guy personality, I didn't even have the money for a hoar. My shitty dish-washing job only covered enough for rent and food. So basically I just had enough money for the crappy one-room cockroach-infested apartment, and if lucky, some bread and butter. Damn I was probably better off dead. As I watched Mitch come out of the sheets and finish her off doggy-style, it suddenly hit me; they were probably still drunk from last night or high on something. But then what also hit me was the fact that I wanted what he had, I wanted more than just to get through day by day. I wanted *****, I wanted drugs, I wanted money. I knew what I had to do and I knew there was no time to waste.
But then came Sunday, and all my energy was spent feeling depressed cause the next day was Monday. I had almost given up on making something more of myself, but I knew I had to persevere. So I continued sitting on the couch planning my next move.
So Monday came, and I awoke to find myself on the same couch the day before. I guess I had fallen asleep on the couch planning my path to glory. Man I sucked. I quickly got dressed, brushed my teeth, and prepared for my shitty life, working weekdays at a local Chinese restaurant. As I was washing the breakfast dishes, two questions crossed my mind. How had I ended up here? I wondered. And how could I get out of this? I wondered even more. Then I had the perfect plan, a plan where even my parents were to be proud of, had they been alive; I would steal my riches from somewhere. Yep, my parents died, well shot, robbing a major bank. Nothing better than a get-rich quick scheme. And where better to steal this money than the same cheap-ass eight-bucks-an- hour Chinese restaurant I worked at. I knew this place like the back of my hand. In fact I knew it better than the back of my hand. I've been watching the back of this restaurant way more than I've been watching the back of my hand. So straight after the dinner dishes I headed home to begin my master plan, or at least I thought I would begin planning my master plan.
It was Tuesday, I had awoken on my bed; a pen in my hand and a piece of paper three inches from my head. As expected the paper was crystal clear, or shall I say - plain empty. I guess I had fallen asleep again planning my path to glory, or path to prison. Either way, I had nothing to lose. Prison was probably better than the life I was living. At least I would have more friends, or more people to keep an eye out for, or from, especially if I were to drop the soap in the bathroom. Oh well, I knew I had to stop falling asleep if I were to get somewhere. And so, as I usually did every morning, I got dressed and brushed my teeth. Those were the only two things I needed. I mean off course I needed clothes, and if my breath didn't smell good, I wouldn't be able to talk to Hai-Ching, this hot chick at work. Well, not much to say about work that day; it was the usual - scrub here, scrub there. So I headed home that night, ready to begin my ‘master plan', and this time for real. But as fate would have it, Mitch had brought home two drunk girls that night, and I just knew it was my duty to take advantage of one of them - this fine-ass, 20 year-old college chick.
And so I awoke once again, Wednesday morning, I was so hyped-up that I had broken my virginity for the past three months. Damn the chick left already without giving me her number. Again I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and headed for work. I cracked five dishes that day but I didn't care, cause I felt like I was the man. It's amazing what one night of crazy sex can do to you. So I headed home that night after work, jacked-off quietly under the sheets so Mitch wouldn't notice, and went to sleep.
Thursday morning. I awake. "****, I forgot about my plan. Oh well I'll make no mistake today". Work sucked as usual that day, I knew I had to start learning some Chinese if I wanted to have some good conversations and enjoy work. Yeah right! Enjoy my ass. That would probably make work even shittier. Cause then they'd be asking me to do this, do that. Well I got home that night and thought everything through. Every point in that restaurant was analyzed to maximum degree. Every person was deeply explored with vigilance. The timing was examined with the utmost intricacy. I noticed that the further I got writing down my plans, the more my words became sophisticated. I was proud, however I had to do a thesaurus check later to make sure they made sense. Anywho, as I jotted down the last few notes, I knew I was ready. I smoked a cigarette I found earlier on the road, jacked-off, and went to sleep.
So it was Friday, the last day of my week. I took my sheets of paper to work even though I knew everything by heart. Why they called it ‘knowing something by heart' I don't know, but that morning, my heart was beating faster than ever before. I was sure I was gonna have a heart attack. "C'mon you chicken ****! Its now or never! You want a life or not!" Everything went through my head, I had to will myself to do it. And then I pictured myself 70 years old, still jacking-off before he went to bed. That did it for me. I went to a local pawn shop during my lunch break to get everything I needed to pull off my robbery. So here I am at the pawn shop, and as **** would have it, I had forgotten one thing; I had no money to buy anything. Holy asscrap! A week of intensive planning, (well kinda-intensive planning), and I forget to save at least ten bucks for a water pistol and a hockey mask. Well at least my payday was next week. So, I headed back for work, began mopping the kitchen, and passed by a calendar on the wall. "Hey whaddya know! Today is Friday, which means tomorrow is Saturday. Woohoo!" That was enough to make me forget about my get-rich plan forever. Copyright 2008 Paul Goosia |
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 19 January 2008 ) |
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