Christopher once again found himself at the cross roads. To follow his feelings or to listen to rational thought. He wasn’t sure what was right anymore. In the beginning he thought it had been hard to control this feelings, but now it was unbearable and he wished he could go back to the beginning instead of standing here on the edge of this emotional cliff.

He sat quietly in his room, the weapon in his hand. ‘Such a small thing.’ he thought flipping it over in his hand. The gray metallic surface reflected the light of the moon nicely. ’Amazing what something so small can do to something so much bigger.’

The music coming from his headphones began shifting into the song ‘Goodbye I’m sorry’ by Jamestown Story. He listened well to the lyrics. “I’m sorry but this is my fate, so here’s my goodbye no one will cry over me, I’m not worth any tears.” They were so true in his head, but then as he continued to listen something surprised him. “Every eighteen minutes someone dies from a suicide, every forty-three seconds somebody attempts one….”

The small piece of metal he held in his hand fell to the carpet soundlessly. Pulling the headphones off, Christopher stood from his bed and punched the nearest wall to him. This settled for now, creating the physical pain he could handle to get rid of the mental pain he despised. Luckily there was no hole in the wall to explain in the morning, but the fresh bruises on his knuckle as well as the bit of blood, was going to be hard to explain as well. Falling back onto his bed, he pulled his pillow against his body as it went into a fetal position.

When morning came it would be another day to deal with, another misery to face. His father didn’t care about him, hell no one in the house acted like he even existed any more. Christopher wished he had somewhere to go, someone to talk to who knew what he was going through. Laying there he could still hear the faint sound of his headphones. Pulling them back on he flipped through the songs. Ramstein’s ’Du Hast’ was what he decided to stop at. This song always calmed him down for some reason.

Turning the volume up full blast, Christopher sat up in bed. There may be no one around to cry for him when he died, but there would be someone who cared. Smiling he climbed out of bed and pulled his shoes on. It was still warm enough outside, even in the late autumn night so no need for a jacket. Leaving his music behind, Christopher made his way silently from his room on the second floor and out the front door without a sound.

It didn’t take long, he could have walked here blindfolded. “Fred…” he called through her open window. “Wake up, it’s Chris.” he said a bit more loudly.

She rolled over in bed and looked at him. “What time is it?” she asked rubbing her eyes.

He climbed into her bedroom as she moved to the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry it’s so late, but I really need to talk to you. I was really bad tonight.”

With that Fred was off the bed and standing in front of him near the window. “Are you alright, you didn’t hurt yourself did you?” she asked worriedly looking him up and down. Catching sight of his hand in the dim light, she took it into her own. “Are you alright?”

“Fine.” he replied as she fussed over his hand. Christopher watched as she went to her bathroom to retrieve her first-aid kit. This wasn’t the first time this had happened.

“Sit down.” she said pulling out some gauze and alcohol.

Sitting on the floor where he stood, he smiled a bit inside about how she acted when he hurt himself. Fred was the only one in his life that really acted like she noticed him.

She poured some of the alcohol onto a gauze pad before wiping it over his knuckles. As she did so her eyes gagged his expression, looking for any signs of discomfort. “So what happened?”

He shook his head. Waiting till she was done wrapping his hand in a fresh bandage, Christopher grabbed Fred, pulling her to him in a crushing hug. “No one would care if I was gone, no one would cry for me.” he said. “No one except you.”

Fred pulled away a bit and looked up at him. “Come on.” she stood pulling him up with her. Leading him to her bed, she pulled back the covers for him to lay down. When he got in, Fred sat up at the head of the bed. Placing a pillow behind her back, she leaned against the wall behind her, Pulling him over to lay in her lap. “Of course I would, you’re the only reason I have to get up and go through life.” she smiled brushing the hair out of his face. “If you ever died, I think I would have to die too in the end.”

Christopher looked up at her surprised. “In the end?”