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I lay asleep,

and as I sleep I'm dreaming,

dreaming that I'm falling,

falling as I'm screaming,

screaming out and calling,

calling out 'I'm dreaming!',

while ever it is seeming,

that endlessly I'm calling,

and so I wake up screaming,

screaming out 'I'm falling!'

I lay awake unfeeling

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Comments (13)

Posted by tarhead 2007-12-25 00:03:06 that, sir dirk was slick. + Report this comment
Posted by Wesley Freeman 2007-12-26 17:41:00 .... I like it... which is good, because poetry is not normally my thing. + Report this comment
Posted by rock2003 2008-01-02 22:30:36 .... Has some interesting play-on-words. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-01-03 03:42:42 Thank you for your comments =) + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-01-05 16:58:56 .... very good, very smooth rhythem + Report this comment
Posted by Pez 2008-01-24 09:19:32 Great rhyme. Very fun. Simple. Yet, I was able to imagine the scene with great detail. + Report this comment
Posted by Pez 2008-01-24 09:23:36 Oh, I forgot. Just one small suggestion: I would of not included that last line, 'I lay awake unfeeling'... it sort of took something away from your poem. The second to last line would of done it just fine. Other than that, very good! + Report this comment
Posted by Egoist 2008-01-29 18:11:46 .... I can't get enough of the repeating word use. It seems to sort of need be screamed out when reading it. As though to get louder each time you read the next line. I really enjoyed the poem, It's definitely different. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-01-29 22:07:26 .... Thank you, yes I wrote this to be spoken aloud (yelled if u want =D) + Report this comment
Posted by onyxdragon 2008-02-13 18:20:29 Yep It was good and it did read nicely. + Report this comment
Posted by shinobi9182 2008-02-15 07:10:15 .... Clever. Nice Work. + Report this comment
Posted by Sad Sara 2008-06-07 23:33:40 Oh yes... Now that was a bloody brilliant verse. It felt the entire time I was falling and shifting in and out or on and off, I not sure. Jolly grite! 'Anna + Report this comment
Posted by Terry Collett 2008-06-08 13:15:46 .... Yes, I've had those kinda dreams too. You have captured it well. + Report this comment

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