Building Steam with a Grain of God

Stumbling through suburbs lathered in the warm...

Don't put me in the same box

Religious fanatic that's what they...


Before you land


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Written by Dirk   
Sunday, 23 December 2007
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I lay asleep,

and as I sleep I'm dreaming,

dreaming that I'm falling,

falling as I'm screaming,

screaming out and calling,

calling out 'I'm dreaming!',

while ever it is seeming,

that endlessly I'm calling,

and so I wake up screaming,

screaming out 'I'm falling!'

I lay awake unfeeling



Copyright 2007 Dirk
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Comments (13)
Posted by tarhead
2007-12-25 00:03:06
that, sir dirk

was slick.
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Posted by Wesley Freeman
2007-12-26 17:41:00
....

I like it... which is good, because poetry is not normally my thing.
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Posted by rock2003
2008-01-02 22:30:36
....

Has some interesting play-on-words.
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-01-03 03:42:42
Thank you

for your comments =)
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Posted by C.R. Vard
2008-01-05 16:58:56
....

very good, very smooth rhythem
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Posted by Pez
2008-01-24 09:19:32
Great rhyme.

Very fun. Simple. Yet, I was able to imagine the scene with great detail.
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Posted by Pez
2008-01-24 09:23:36
Oh, I forgot.

Just one small suggestion: I would of not included that last line, 'I lay awake unfeeling'... it sort of took something away from your poem. The second to last line would of done it just fine. Other than that, very good!
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Posted by Egoist
2008-01-29 18:11:46
....

I can't get enough of the repeating word use. It seems to sort of need be screamed out when reading it. As though to get louder each time you read the next line.

I really enjoyed the poem, It's definitely different.
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-01-29 22:07:26
....

Thank you, yes I wrote this to be spoken aloud (yelled if u want =D)
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Posted by onyxdragon
2008-02-13 18:20:29
Yep

It was good and it did read nicely.
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Posted by shinobi9182
2008-02-15 07:10:15
....

Clever. Nice Work.
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-06-07 23:33:40
Oh yes...

Now that was a bloody brilliant verse. It felt the entire time I was falling and shifting in and out or on and off, I not sure.

Jolly grite!

'Anna
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Posted by Terry Collett
2008-06-08 13:15:46
....

Yes, I've had those kinda dreams too. You have captured it well.
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