A lot of time was spent during those days just to get through with the games that my brother and I were playing, and I lost. I lost before, but this time was the most painful one. He proved it, maybe not to everyone, but what most important to me – I have a heart, and I can love. He took away everything I was dreaming of – Carol. What else is there to dream about when your future is everything you want it to be, what else to dream of if you have so much money, that you can’t even spend it all. What is there to live for when whatever you want can be bought. I was depressed through these days.

We played the game, now Mike is ******* with Carol in the room next door, and I’m sure not just there, but wherever one could imagine. I’m not even sure if he likes her as I do, maybe it’s just to get back at me. He understands how much it hurts.

I didn’t write anything in my journal ever since that day when he decided to break me down. Our parents were dropping by the house a couple of days ago. They are fine as usual – going somewhere else to travel. I think they said Thailand, but I’m not sure, and I don’t really care. Today I have decided that I’m going to the mall, I find myself needing new clothes, and just walking around alone. I’m waiting for the cab now, I don’t want to drive to mall in a glamorous limo today, I don’t want to spark around the watch that I usually wear with diamonds, I just won’t to buy some clothes. That’s all I want.

The cab has just arrived and the driver asked me where do I want be taken. I named some mall close by, should be good enough, because they have Gucci and D&G, Versace and Ted Baker, and a lot more. Short drive, thirty dollars cash and I’m here.

I’m walking down the isle dropping inside some stores and I think about how miserable life becomes when I can afford buying everything I want. I see other people watching me walking with bags of famous brands, I hear them making fun of me. It’s jealousy, I know it is, otherwise is there a point of making fun of me? The next store is Hollister; I think it was originated in California. I usually don’t go to those stores, I don’t want blue blood people to get a bad impression of me, but today is different, today I have a plan.

I go in this store and some dorky looking jock tells me about their sales. I ignore him; I’m not one of those people of this nation, who always want more of everything for less money. I left the management of the club to Angela, so she will take care of it for a week or so, and then I can ask somebody else if she’s bored. I need to take a break.

The cab was still waiting for me, and I filled the entire back sit with my shopping bags. I got home quickly and paid the driver another two hundred for waiting and driving me back with tips of course. I went in my room, and started to look over everything I bought, sorting it out to put in my closet. I couldn’t hold the tears in my eyes, I couldn’t stand the noise and moaning from the room next door, so I put on my Hollister outfit and went outside to the garden where I smoked one of my cigarettes. It’s time to let it go, it’s time to get over it, it’s time to move on from the place I was stuck in. So I did move on, but not in the house, but away from it.

There was this small concert, or rather a talent show in a small place close by, I went thee. When I entered I felt like all the eyes were on me. It doesn’t save when I wear Hollister close, my face is too well known in this city, from magazines and newspapers, runways and photoshoots. This place on the other hand is the one where starving artists hang out, where people of the middle class find some entertainment for themselves. They drink, express themselves in talent shows, meet other people, and just stay in here for the sake of it. Next morning most of this people wake up at six or so and do whatever it is they need to do, either going to work or school, or just staying home pitying their own lives and cursing the rich, who “don’t let them live as they want to live”

And there is she, the girl; she has just five strings on her guitar. She played here before, and she’s well known in here, I could tell by seeing how other people started the cheering. She’s dressed as a regular girl. She’s not wearing Dior shoes, or beautiful dress, but the skater girl outfit suits her well, it matches her beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile that took my breath away. Her hair seems to be very soft and smooth; I wish I could touch it. She gets up on the stage, and tries her guitar.

- It’s not one of my songs, but I’d like to sing it tonight for that Gentleman – she says, and lifts her glass of vodka towards me, I start to smile and make a small movement of my head. She starts singing…

 

 

They applaud. They laugh. They scream of fulfillment, and I walk out. It’s not my day certainly.

 

NOTE FOR TODAY: a lot of time people get jealous of somebody else, please make sure that it doesn’t become hatred, because most of us don’t know how it feels to be in those shoes. Most of us will never know it at all, so while you have a chance say “goodbye” to envy. It’s much better to try and do something to get to the level the persons stays on, then curse them without any movement.