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The Thanksgiving Hustle


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Written by Max Booth III   
Monday, 19 November 2007

Chloe Valentine was thirty-nine years old. She had long black hair and green eyes. Her husband was a thirty-eight year old man named Jake. Her son was Tony and her daughter was Lily. Jake was a Lake Station police officer and Chloe was a lawyer, a good one, too. She’d never lost a case. She’d been getting criminals set free for thirteen years now. It didn’t matter what they did; murder, armed robbery, assault, rape, grand theft auto…it just didn’t matter. What did matter was the money. The money was all she cared for.

One thing Chloe soon discovered was that all the money in the world couldn’t make you a good cook. It was one of those things that either you’re good at it or you really suck at it. So…Chloe just didn’t cook. Every night she ordered take out; Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Chinese food, Arby’s, Long John Silvers, Wendy’s, Popeye’s, KFC…you name it, they ate it.

But this Thanksgiving Chloe was screwed. Her’s and Jake’s family were coming from all over the country to have dinner at Chloe’s house. So, Chloe went out and bought a dozen cook books and supplies the night before Thanksgiving. She was almost home when she remembered something. She punched the steeling wheel and shouted, “****!”
She had forgotten the turkey. The most important thing in all of Thanksgiving; the goddamn turkey. Chloe did a quick U-turn and headed to the supermarket.

Thirty-five year old Samantha McCracken lived in a run down neighborhood. Her husband, Brandon, worked as a construction worker and she worked at the laundry mat. Her two sons were high school drop outs. They were a poor family, so they usually had pop tarts or cereal for dinner, (a hot pocket was a real treat for them.)

But this Thanksgiving Samantha was lucky. She had won three grand off of a scratch-and-win lottery ticket. So, the McCracken family was going to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner.

The night before Thanksgiving Samantha went out to the supermarket and got tons of food. She came back home and dumped the food on the counter.

Brandon walked into the kitchen and looked at the supplies. “Wow…food.”

“Yeah, I’m going to make a nice dinner tomorrow night,” Samantha said, with pride.

“Looks good…but, where’s the turkey?”

At first Samantha was puzzled, but then she remembered. “Aw ****! I forgot it!”

“Wow, that sucks. You better hurry back to the store before they’re sold out.”

They didn’t know it, but Chloe Valentine and Samantha McCracken pulled their cars (Chloe with a silver 2003 Rolls-Royce Phantom, and Samantha with a 1967 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon) into the supermarket at exactly the same time. They parked right next to each other and walked into the store almost side by side.

They bumped into each other by the fruit section.

“Oh, sorry,” Samantha said.

“Watch where you’re going, why don’tcha?” Chloe mumbled, and continued her way.

“I hope they’re not sold out,” Samantha said to herself.

They were in view of the frozen section. There was a stand. On top of the stand was a sign that said, COME GET YOUR TURKEYS! There was a red arrow pointing to the table on the stand. There was exactly one turkey wrapped in plastic red netting on the table. One turkey left.

Samantha and Chloe saw it at the same time.

“You getting a turkey?” Samantha asked.

Without responding, Chloe ran toward the turkey stand. Samantha quickly followed. They were running at the same speed and they reached the turkey at the same time. Samantha grabbed the frozen turkey by the legs and Chloe grabbed it by the wings. They both pulled with all of their might. It was a turkey tug-a-war.

“Please…I really need this,” Samantha pleaded.

“Let go, *****. You ain’t getting this turkey. Not today. It’s all mine!” Chloe screamed in a crazy voice.

“I’m not letting go!”

“Neither am I!”

They both grunted as they pulled. But, at the same time, both of their grips let go and the frozen turkey went soaring through the air. It landed right next to the frozen pizzas and rolled a couple of feet.

Samantha and Chloe fell on their backs. They stood up and looked at the turkey lying on the floor and dived at it. Right before any of them could get it; a giant hand reached down and picked it up. Chloe and Samantha collided into each other. They looked up to see an ogre size woman in pig tails.

“Oooo, another turkey to go with the other ones. I will take pleasure in eating you,” the ogre-woman said, and walked off.

Chloe and Samantha sat their, side by side, sweating and puffing.

After a long moment of silence, Chloe said, “Screw this Thanksgiving ****. I need a drink.” She stood up and looked down at Samantha. “Care to join me?”

“You buying?”

“What the hell, it’s the holidays. Come on, let’s go”



Copyright 2007 Max Booth III

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Comments (12)
Posted by Justin
2007-11-21 15:26:28
WOW

This IS the best story I ever read. Max Booth III is my idle.I wish I could right like him
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Posted by David Neve
2007-11-21 16:07:17
Way to go Max

that was a fast mover accented by an ogre... stir in one station wagon and who could ask for more.
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Posted by Nikki
2007-11-22 05:35:23
Love the story

:p Really loved the story,captured the thanksgiving madness wonderfully! Loved the twist at the end with the ogre sized woman with the pigtails lol!
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Posted by Bryan
2007-11-24 11:31:45
Nice Job

:grin

Thought this was quite an amusing story. Really liked it. Good job.
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Posted by Chrissie
2007-11-30 10:50:52
Wow

Great story I have read all of your stories on this site so far and I have enjoy everyone so far Great writing for some one so young keep it up
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Posted by yomax
2007-12-07 16:59:04
Fun story.

Very enjoyable read. Wish I had more time to comment, but keep writing kid.
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Posted by Wesley Freeman
2007-12-11 15:18:44
....

Amusing story with a good ending. Kind of leaves you wondering what each of their holidays will be like.
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Posted by wbboomer
2008-02-03 09:32:07
....

Funny as hell! Max, I love your horror's, but now I love your comedy's!
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-05-28 15:40:40
....

i usually am not big on the comedies but this was pretty funny. i enjoyed picturing these two women fumbling for a turkey haha. great story.
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Posted by lemon
2008-05-28 16:05:53
haha!

I only saw this story because it was on the "recently commented" list. I'm glad I read it. The turkey hitting the floor by the frozen pizzas and rolling was classic. :)
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-05-28 19:27:14
....

well im glad you liked it
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-07-31 06:17:49
Turkey

No, not you, nor the storey.

Saw you online and wondered what you were up to. Stumbled to the start of your writing and latched on to this little gem.

Extremely funny and very well written.

5 Stars

Phil
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{moscomment}

Last Updated ( Thursday, 13 December 2007 )
 
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