Frantic, Chapter 1 Frantic staggers two steps back. His hand... Better Day Tomorrow Walking the streets and not going home after work...

Seven Letter Word Go back to the story Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 03-08-2008 20:35,   ... (Continuing, ran out of letters)  3) Avoid the melodramatic, aka, "It was earth", a good line in itself, but you space it out like it's an apocalyptic moment where it simply doesn't carry the meaning and depth to deserve spacing as a separate thought.  4) I would sincerely like to hear why you opened with those first two sentences so I can get a better feel for what you were trying to accomplish.  5) Don't be so tied to motion. Inactivity in a story is a writers playground, and you need to exploit the complexity of something so heavy being counterbalanced by a kid who doesn't seem to give two shits to thinking about it.    (This is cookingWine, by the way, I just noticed that comments are occasionally handicapped.)  Get back to me if you want more.   » Report this comment to administrator »    1 replies Posted by Egoist 03-09-2008 14:01,   ... Wow, you really had a lot to say. There's no way I can be mad at you, and no, you're not being rude, you're being honest, which is what we need. Your advice is extremely helpful, it made me read through it again, and a lot of the time I agree with you and hopefully one day I'll fix those parts. I'm very grateful for you criticizing this piece, I think you're going to be a big help in a lot of my (and other's) stories. Thank you.   » Report this comment to administrator