Pain I cant sleep again. Its like this all the... Better Day Tomorrow Walking the streets and not going home after work...

Corruption Go back to the story Comment in question Posted by Something Indecent 05-06-2008 11:01,   ... yeah I agree with the Gimp. Tag on some hooks at the beginning to keep the attention and maybe shift some of that description inbetween the dialogue. Good story though. I like the part about the sneezer getting it between the eyes and noone flinching as gore splashes onto their faces. HA!   » Report this comment to administrator »    1 replies Posted by 1800 05-06-2008 13:17,   ... I understand that I put way too much description in at the beginning, instead of evenly distributing it throughout the story. But I just had this PERFECT idea of the scene and I had a great compulsion to describe it detail by detail...    Thank you for reading it.   » Report this comment to administrator