Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by gsaracen 03-26-2008 04:12,   hey! looking good... but I agree with tarhead... It would benefit from more rythm and better flow, perhaps.    Also, when using something like "my love" "my dearest" or referring to flowers and valleys etc. you have to try extra hard to make them work in the context of the poem.    This is because they are cliches. To overcome the cliche-ness you really have to be careful to really make them work, or to make the poem work in-spite of them. In a few cases it's best to actually avoid them.    But keep writing! experiment!   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story