Winning The Frog Lottery Her car, out of gas once again; slides to a stop in... Blue Room *authors note: hope everyone stilll likes it. i...

Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 03-22-2008 08:38,   ... Obviously, problems with grammar and all that jazz. That's all correctable.  The real problem for me is that there isn't anything there to build from. Of course, it all comes down to how you wanted it, and there is nothing I can take from your intention and your desire of how you want it. For me, I couldn't care less about the narrator, her mom, or the man. I have no attachment to your characters at the end of the story whatsoever. Fix that by injecting small things, not by adding scenes about bank robberies and witchhunts and cop-out tension steroids.  If you want clarification or examples, feel free to message.  If you want to tell me to fuck off, go crazy for that too.  Regardless, keep on keeping on.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story