Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 03-17-2008 20:05,   ... Strange. I don't like to be the guy that nitpicks, but I'm drawing a blank on idea-themed comments so I'll nitpick a little, take it or leave it.    "You must be curious umm – wondering why I am distancing the children from you."    Umm is always an obstruction. Avoid ummm. Establish thought breaks in different ways, using commas, or more distinct dialogue. In a letter, would anyone really write umm?    Honorable. 1/2.    It needs proofreading if you want anything more out of it. The beginning is very Vonnegut-esque, but it doesn't live up to it.    Keep on keeping on.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story