Through the Eyes of Death © England 1066 (Dawn)... Her Magic Touch, Chapter 4 After a while, Don finds his composure and says,...

Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 03-08-2008 20:35,   ... (Continuing, ran out of letters)  3) Avoid the melodramatic, aka, "It was earth", a good line in itself, but you space it out like it's an apocalyptic moment where it simply doesn't carry the meaning and depth to deserve spacing as a separate thought.  4) I would sincerely like to hear why you opened with those first two sentences so I can get a better feel for what you were trying to accomplish.  5) Don't be so tied to motion. Inactivity in a story is a writers playground, and you need to exploit the complexity of something so heavy being counterbalanced by a kid who doesn't seem to give two shits to thinking about it.    (This is cookingWine, by the way, I just noticed that comments are occasionally handicapped.)  Get back to me if you want more.   » Report this comment to administrator »    »  Go back to the story