Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by whitj310 03-08-2008 14:16,   Good Some comments Jo,  I found it's tough to get comments on short story sites for chapters in a novel. The reason for that is when someone hasn't read previous chapters they lose interest. Having said that don't get discouraged. By forcing yourself to write the chapters in order to post, you gain valuable writing experience which ultimately is what sells your manuscript. I've written two 85,000 word novels doing just that. The hard part comes after you've written the first draft. The story is interesting and I can see it's going to keep the reader wanting more.  Instead of "Ruby was sitting" try to write with action verbs like "Ruby sat" It makes it easier on the reader. Also you have too much description after taglines. It's better to say, Ruby said or said Ruby then to say Ruby said, as she grabbed a widget or whatever. I thought you introduced too many characters. Pick one character and dwell on them and their POV. Keep on keeping on. Your talented.  JJ   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story