Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by paulwhowrites 03-07-2008 23:11,   Numbers OK, when writing fiction, don't use number symbols e.g. 1234, it's better to write them; one, two, three, four. You need to watch your word order and there are a few missed out words too, but that just needs a few more read-throughs. Also, don't use colons : in fiction writing, that's for academic stuff. The story has a great pace and timing and a lot of energy. Some of the images are a little clumsy, e.g. 'Gods below, but Io is the battered wife among planets. She’s bruised and shamed, and you know her husband comes home from work and beats her, but you never come out and say it.' It feels a little naive. The ending is very dramatic, but is mared by the L missing from well! A little more time spent on development and reading through would make this story a real gem. Nice work.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story