Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by paulwhowrites 03-07-2008 13:16,   Too much! This story keeps the suspense wonderfully, and it's a good length. However, you try to cram so many images in to every sentence that it feels too much when you read it. Punctuation seems to be all over the place as well because of the way you have chosen to write, it can be quite distracting. As well as this, who are these people? Where are they? When? The story feels as if it happens in a kind of void, which I think is the only major problem, it needs to be 'placed' more. The last two lines seem to contradict each other, the machine stops working, but then continues to move. Your use of language is very lively and it's paced well. The characters are clear, they have personality. I think you need to state who is speaking more often however, the dialogue can get a little bit lost. Good work.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story