Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 03-06-2008 17:17,   ... That was pretty good overall. I liked the ending, but I think you need to work on how you format a piece (if you think it doesn't matter, it does, very much so).    Splitting related paragraphs DESTROYS rhythm and mood.   Relating to dialog-  "A small town, I was home schooled by my brother, till two years ago."  if i were you, to imitate more of the way spoken word sounds,  "A small town," she said, "I was home schooled by my brother, until two years ago."  I guess if you're going for certainty in speech, then it works. But realistically, not many people speak the way that would read out loud.    If I were you, I'd read it out loud to yourself.  But if I were you, I'd tell me to go fuck myself because you liked it the way it is.  So good story, cheers.   » Report this comment to administrator »    »  Go back to the story