Tired Avenue Dirkin/Anna Devine Hello all. Anna Devine (Sad Sara) and I have been... gone was the girl gone was the girl once innocent of love,...

Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 02-28-2008 18:41,   ... the action was the second paragraph,    the third with the exception of "He had learned long ago that you can't hang your hopes and dreams on a maybe...",     the fifth paragraph with the exception of "He had never broken any laws, nor did he ever once entertain the thought of doing so, but there he was; getting ready to do just that", and the "now or never" bit,  well, that's what i think at least. things that happen in the past is action, not just things in the present.    i'm not trying to come off abrasive if that's how it sounds. i'm just pulling for more showing lines like,   "Standing in the line behind the row of people, he noticed that his palms were now beginning to sweat"    instead of telling lines like    "and a feeling was coming over him not to go through with this"    this is my favorite of all that i've read of yours.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story