Love Crawls Down the Drain I can't believe she broke up with me! After five years... Ripples Ripples Ripples of faded...

Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by tshandruk 01-27-2008 10:09,   Nice Being a real hard-ass on the presentation of ideas and themes, I must say that this piece could have used a fair amount of editing and rewording. I know it's a pain, almost an insult, when someone tries to "correct" your work, but a good editor can work with the author to get the same ideas presented in the same manner without the stops and starts. The story was there, but I think it could have been presented smoother.    But on the opposite side, I am also a good interpreter, and the ideas and raw emotions presented in the story are beautiful. However, I don't understand why he shot a fellow comrade. I'd assume in war the object is to survive, and fight for your fellow comrades, and not to shoot them dead because they were trying to renew their faith and hope. But anyway, the story was a raw insight (kinda) of a warrior who's cracked.    If you'd like me to show you what I'm talking about with the 'stops and starts' and such, e-mail me or something and I'll be glad to help :)    5/5 :)   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story