Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by jcox21 07-22-2008 09:04,   A good start What you've got is solid, but I would put it at a level far away from a final draft. You need to expand on what you have, introduce one or two more characters and incorporate some dialogue. There are many places you could go with this; you could write a scene where she goes to the grocery store (basically to buy nothing), or maybe introduce a stressful conversation with a close friend/relative where she is confronted (keeping your ending-which is stunning and amazing by the way-still hidden).  It could have a much better title and several more descriptive comparisons-it was as if and so forth, it was like and etc.  It flows nicely. I understand what's going on and am never confused (I see that all the time elsewhere). It's a good idea for a story and it is person-oriented, rather than a story that focuses on events that are taking place. Reminds me of something I would see in The New Yorker.   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story