Report a comment Thank you for taking the time to report the following comment to the administrator of this site. Please complete this short form and click the submit button to process your report. Name   E-mail   Reason for reporting comment       Comment in question Posted by cookingWine 06-03-2008 15:48,   ... It was so hard for me to get into this.  I've always had a problem as a reader with being impatient. Stories have to justify the means by the ends. I guess the important thing to realize is that this is a multi-parter, so I shouldn't necessarily look at it in a complete state. If I did, the means wouldn't be worth the ends.  The reason I say this is because it's longwinded. The sixth paragraph ("Three years of...") was a journey, like a desert without much water. It seems to be so soaked in concept juice that it lacks in real substance (to me).    The character is really distant. I'm sure we will see more later, but by the end of this excerpt, I'm not cheering, or against, him, and that's a problem.  You gave him something to do, and he created a reason to do it, but there still doesn't seem to be a lot of depth there. I wish I could really show you what I mean, but I've been racking the head trying to figure out how and I can't. I trust it will change in later parts, but one thing a story   » Report this comment to administrator   »  Go back to the story