Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That's real ******' funny lemon!
I know you'll get a kick out of this.
After I left work this morning I went home in desperate need of my floor. I never got around to eating the tapeworms but before I had gotten to work I bought a fully cooked rotisery chicken. Mind you this was at about 9:00 at night and the thing had to have been crawling with the filthy beasts. After devouring my chicken I left for work all ready a sick man. During the shift I began to feel worse and worse. Tireder and tireder. When my relief came in I plopped down on my floor after racing home. Sleep was difficult to attain as I rolled around the floor sweating out gallons of fluids.
At exactly 9:41 a.m. some kind of trigger went off in my stomach. It reminded me of nasueas bubbles rising to the surface. I raced to the bathroom and hurled out a bucket of orange chum splattering chunks onto the floor. After an enqore performance I cleaned up my mess and limped back to the floor. Sleep was again difficult to attain.
At 10:34 a.m. I awoke to the same intense feeling and dashed for the bathroom making it just in the knick of time. This projectile was not as plentiful and left me dry heaving as my shoulder were racked with pain. I shuffled my feverish body back to my room and slid into my single blanket.
At 11.24 a.m I awoke but refused to accept my body's urges. Breathing heavily and swallowing excess saliva I attempted to brave out the storm without ever leaving my blanket. This proved to be a mistake as the acidic beverage shot out of my mouth and onto my sleeping aide. I rushed to my trashcan leaving a trail of yellow bile and deposited the remainder of it into safe storage. I then threw my comfortor against the wall, grabbed my pillows, and positioned myself directly opposite the rancid sheet. Sleep never came this time. I rolled around for 3 hours begging any kind of supreme being for just the slightest bit of relief. The floor was doing nothing for my sickly back and the hot and cold flashes had kept me fidgeting nonstop like a recovering heroin addict. Finally though, my alert hearing sensed my roommate Dan exiting his room.
"This is it," I thought sinisterly. "I can finally lay on something soft!" Once I heard the confirmation of his engine roaring down the street I hobbled to his bed sliding between the sheets delicately. For once sleep came fast but I was rudely interupted hours later by the sound of an enraged Dan contradicting my decision.
"What the **** are you doing on my bed!?" He yelled.
"I don't feel good." I replied drowsily.
"I know you don't but you're gonna get me sick too *******! Get the **** out of my bed!" He then went for the comfortor snapping it off my body viciously sending a plethora of shivers throughout my skin.
"Help me," I begged him as he grabbed my arm.
" **** you," he said rolling me off his mattress crashing me to the floor. Eventually I ended up putting together my own bed, or should I say, Dan ended up doing it as I was very persistant about not abondoning his mattress. I slept for the rest of the day and now here I am! Still feeling like **** and working another shift. Yep lemon, life is good to me. It taught me a very important lesson. Do not eat the chicken.
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that was horrible sounding. why didnt you call in sick or something. 
They don't pay me enough to stay awake.
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