Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Catherine Kelly (Catherine

It was her screaming, “Oh my god Jim!”...

Sinai 31st July Dear God...

Catherine Kelly (Catherine_kelly) Profile Page

Hits	1907
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	10/09/2007
Last Online	06/17/2008
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Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Oct 10, 2007	Damn Paperboy!!!	Miscellaneous Stories	3184

Comments

Total number of comments: 17

Title article: Killing more than Flesh
Date: 2008-03-04 09:06:51

Eh?
Sorry, but it didn't make much sense.

A little girl holding a thirty year old woman?

The line "The cops rushed in and took me away" suggests the cops have arrested him and removed him from the room, but he can still see the girl's eyes in the next line?

He slugged a cop - I think, the line is confusing - but wouldn't his hands have been handcuffed?

No offence meant or intended, but for such a short story you really should proof read it again.

Title article: Why I Shaved My Head
Date: 2008-03-04 08:02:20

Why I Shaved My Head
Good story, thanks for sharing it.

Title article: So there I was 5...
Date: 2008-03-04 04:47:53

Good Story
That was very funny.

Well done and thanks for sharing.

Title article: Humans Can Lick, Too
Date: 2007-10-25 06:16:41

Nice
Pretty good story.

A small tip I read somewhere, you shouldn't say in story that you don't know how something happened - I forget the reason why - but telling a story and saying you don't know how he got in to the house is a bit of a cop-out.
A bit like saying you haven't thought it through.

An idea could be, as they have a dog, suggest that a bloody mark by the dog flap seemed to suggest that was how he got in.

I don't mean to sound critical or anything, it's just one of those rules - like avoidance of the word "That" and starting sentences with "And" or "But"

Later,

Ck.

Title article: Sweet Dreams and Sudden Shreakings
Date: 2007-10-18 13:39:17

Cool
Nice story, short, sweet and funny. :grin

Title article: I Tried...
Date: 2007-10-16 13:33:18

...but he's a terrible shot? :? :x

Title article: She’ll Be the Death of Him
Date: 2007-10-16 13:27:33

Good
I really loved the ending.
However I got the sense the abuse angle was kind of tacked on for sympathy sake. I think maybe because her actions didn't suggest abuse victim.
Perhaps if you worked it as a murderous black widow type woman getting just deserts?

Cool ending though.

Title article: I Tried...
Date: 2007-10-16 13:17:45

But......
....if he's not good with guns, but uses some other method of killing, why use one on the target?
And if he doesn't know his *ahem* from hs elbow when it comes to guns, how does he know how to strip one?...and how would he know if the sight was correct/in alignment with the gun?

Sorry, but ya know it doesn't really fit or something. :?

Title article: I Tried...
Date: 2007-10-15 14:54:12

NNNNNaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's a little hair-dryer of a motorbike....for girls and those of a delicate disposition.

Title article: Damn Paperboy!!!
Date: 2007-10-15 07:53:59

It's not meant to be clear...
:sigh

That's up to you to decide: Did she just faint from bending over too quickly to pick up the paper? Was the broken glass caused by the paperboy, or did someone break in? Was she fainting or was she knocked out?

The end is open ended for you to decide. I could have said exactly what happened, but that wouldn't have been interesting or fun.

Sorry.

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