Wishful Thinking, Chapter 1

Dave was always one for a laugh, and nothing gave him...

DysFUNctional

"Dennis I want you to go to your brother's house...

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema) Profile Page
Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)
Hits 20313
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 10/04/2007
Last Online 01/07/2009
Connections 95
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Website/Blog: mychainsawenema.wordpress.com/
About Myself: I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jul 20, 20081961Horror 803
Dec 17, 2007DOGHorror 855
Aug 8, 2008Just a TeaseRomance 742
May 27, 2008MonsterHorror 423
Aug 8, 2008My Secret SpotNon-Fiction 408
May 1, 2008PainHorror 730
Aug 12, 2008Panhandling ScumPoetry 288
Dec 28, 2008Plague, Chapter 1Horror 131
Jan 1, 2009Plague, Chapter 2Horror 65
Aug 13, 2008Suburban HellMystery 443
Aug 11, 2008Tears from a Burnt CigarPoetry 308
Jun 29, 2008The Root of all EvilHorror 348
Nov 19, 2007The Thanksgiving HustleHumor 1326
Sep 24, 2008They are the DeadPoetry 509
Aug 25, 2008Trained to KillPoetry 308
Aug 9, 2008Twelve Step MadnessPoetry 302
Jul 13, 2008War On EarthPoetry 556

Comments

Total number of comments: 1459

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 29
Date: 2009-01-07 02:39:37
Rookie, Chapter 29...and 30!
Well, you've done it again. You've let me speachless.  
 
This chapter was so powerful, I was transformed in the story once again.  
 
I can't think of a way I can say how much this chapter rocked. So let me just say, hey, this chapter rocked.  
 
The only thing I don't like, though, is it seems as if there are only a few chapters left, and that really sucks.  
 
Continue this forever, okay?  
 
Also, this would make one kickass video game.

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 28
Date: 2009-01-05 21:48:13
Rookie, Chapter 28
I could easily see this going for at least another hundred and fifty pages, perhaps even two hundred. I could also say that this would be my favorite chapter, but I don't think that would be fair. Because, you see, every chapter is my favorite chapter. This story is just so good. Eagerly awaiting for your next installment.

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 27
Date: 2009-01-05 08:25:56
Rookie, Chapter 27
I'm left with a smile across my face. This is one of my favorite chapters. It's intense, awesomly detailed, violent, and all together a very fun read. Man, I so desperately want to read the next chapter already. Damn good writing!

Title article: Superman
Date: 2009-01-05 07:16:39
Continued from last
Fourthly, I think it would be more humorous if you changed their costumes. Maybe use two superheros (such as Spider-Man and Punisher?) and have one of their villains try robbing it, (maybe Venom or the Kingpin, or Scorpion, etc...) Or use some other type of costumes. If you wanna stay with the whole Superman theme, use DC costumes. It would make more sense.  
 
And lastly, as I mentioned in the third suggestion, flesh this story out more. Make it longer, think of a better story to grow from this idea. Change the ending, because it felt like you just rushed it and wanted to get it over with.  
 
Well, that's about all I can think of. Hopefully more folks here can help you out with this. And yeah, you should really consider what I have said here thus far, becuase you realld did have a good seed, just the tree you grew was dead before arrival.

Title article: Superman
Date: 2009-01-05 07:16:05
Superman
All right, this had potential to be a pretty good story. Two guys dressed up as Superman and Bart Simpson go into a diner and a man dressed as Spider-Man robs it. Okay, that could have been a funny story. I still think it could. Hear me out, and hopefully you take these suggestions to heart. 
 
First off, the use of "dude" is entirely overplayed. I realize that a lot of people say that (including me), but no one says it in every single sentence except for the characters in a really bad stoner movie. 
 
Secondly, another thing you use way too much are exclamation marks. It makes the story too dry, even predictable and dull. 
 
Thirdly, this seems like a story that could be better with more detail. Almost the entire thing is crafted of poorly constructed dialogue. Flesh it out more, and don't rush it. Also, try and hold back on the passive voice. it cheapens the reader's experience a great deal.

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 26
Date: 2009-01-04 10:44:04
Rookie, Chapter 26
Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas. One after another. One thing starts going good, next second it's all to hell.  
 
What's going to happen next? That's what I want to know.  
 
Seems I've finally caught back up, and now there isn't any new chapters for me to read. That isn't cool. 
 
Oh, and did I mention how fantastic this story is?

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 25
Date: 2009-01-04 10:22:25
Rookie, Chapter 25
Awesome chapter, and yeah, it leaves a lot more open for the story. This is one that I honestly hope never ends. 
 
One thing, though. I remember how Alec was able to tell what that woman was doing in the book store a couple chapters back, that she was buying a cook book to win a contest at the fair or something. So, wouldn't Zeke and the rest of the gang be able to tell that Alec wasn't with the darkness anymore?  
 
This is some risky business, that's for sure. Heh

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 24
Date: 2009-01-04 09:59:42
Rookie, Chapter 24
Excellent storytelling! The background on the mayor was very easy going and it lets the reader casually sink into the depths of your writing. Great dialogue, as with the previous chapter. Man, this is good.

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 23
Date: 2009-01-04 09:38:55
Rookie, Chapter 23
Yes, why on Earth are there only three (four now, sucker!) people reading this? All you people who aren't are just horrible people. Really. Read this story. OR DIE. 
 
Hm. 
 
Ditto to Jason's comment.

Title article: Rookie, Chapter 22
Date: 2009-01-04 09:23:07
Rookie, Chapter 22
At first I was confused, since it says Chapter 23 in the story, but 22 in the title. 
 
I agree that you did a wonderful job telling this using almost only dialogue. It was enjoyable. Also, I like Jason's idea about a series. This universe is quite interesting.  
 
Great work with this so far.

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
01/05/2009 20:03:28Re:Sequel to the Nightmare Before Christmas?Off-Topic326
01/05/2009 08:50:02Re:Sequel to the Nightmare Before Christmas?Off-Topic326
01/04/2009 10:47:10Re:The RookieOff-Topic215
01/04/2009 09:01:34Re:RantOff-Topic365
01/04/2009 09:00:48Re:Sequel to the Nightmare Before Christmas?Off-Topic326
01/02/2009 00:19:06Re:RantOff-Topic365
12/31/2008 22:03:02Welcome to 2009. Now get out! (or not)Off-Topic184
12/31/2008 16:55:59Re:The RookieOff-Topic215
12/31/2008 16:37:17Re:The RookieOff-Topic215
12/31/2008 12:10:18Re:So random so little timeOff-Topic234

Connection

Max Booth III (Chainsaw Enema)'s connections

OFFLINE Raven Moffitt (StormWriter)
OFFLINE J. Dane Tyler (DarcKnyt)
OFFLINE casey horner (casey horner)
OFFLINE J.L. (the Processor)
OFFLINE Crystal (crystalv)
OFFLINE Michelle S (Murky)
OFFLINE J Schilling (Ruby Whispers)
OFFLINE daniel guerra (eldany2310)
OFFLINE La'Tronzo Jones-Wallace (anonymous)
OFFLINE Julian (Julian)
 
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Guestbook


Name Entry
Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 01/06/2009 13:29:30

Yeah I like it a lot. Some people I've pushed to it aren't as enthusiastic but you should give it a try. Its got Larry David the cocreator of Seinfield.

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 01/06/2009 13:11:33

lol You lazy bastard! Yeah I thought it had something to do with Cambell. Probably going to have to rent it next month.

You ever watch Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 01/06/2009 12:52:41

What's it about? Sounds slightly familiar...

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 01/02/2009 20:37:35

What a kooky comic. You have too much free time on your hands.

I just bought a game boy advance SP today. I can now bring video games to work! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 01/01/2009 15:33:26

So is your liver still itching? Mine's screaming out in pain and agony. I might have to shut him up with some rum if he doesn't start acting right.

In response to your 2009 theories I actually was at Obama's party last night and my car did in fact fly on my way home. Its a brave new world Max.

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 12/30/2008 19:30:44

My liver can't feel anything anymore. I suggest that you swallow a handful of thumb tacks and see how that does ya. If that doesn't work tape some razor blades to a strip of sandpaper and take orally.

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 12/30/2008 18:28:04

Fable II is awesome! Started playing it yesterday and just love it. I got drunk last night and ended up chopping wood for half an hour. Sounds boring right? Well I guess I already mentioned that I was drunk.

So after all that I put in my GTA 4 disc and started playing when all of a sudden the xbox can't read it! AAAHHHHH!!!! It was only $20 more if I'd of bought it new too! Damn used games with their marketable lower prices. I just hope that cleaning the disc will bring the game back to me. If not.....I'll just have to play Fable II.

Yep........so that was pointless!

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 12/28/2008 01:35:56

lol that sounds great. Poor Indy.

They never should have made that movie.

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 12/28/2008 01:10:49

I consider it more of a sequel or a revamp than a remake. But yeah they are going crazy visiting and updating older franchises.

If you ever got a hold of $10 you could get it yourself shit stick.

Have you seen the new SouthPark where George Lucas and S.S. are raping Indiana Jones in movie parodies? My friend told me about it and now I really want to see it. Sounds hilarious.

Jason Haugh (Something Indecent)

Created On: 12/28/2008 00:43:46

Where'd you put my sharks at you son of a bitch. I swear to God I'll kill you someday.

I got the special edition of Serial Mom yesterday. So tastey.

The new Friday the 13th is coming out in February I'm pretty sure. Should be entertaining. I mean. All you have to do is wear a mask and kill people. Bring it!

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