Short Stories | Storiesville.com

"Dennis I want you to go to your brother's house...

Triple the Trouble A Cynical Chick Flick...

1925 (1925) Profile Page

Hits	744
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	07/06/2007
Last Online	06/14/2008
Connections	0
Avg Profile Rating

About Myself:

English Grad Student...avid writer.

Stories

This user has no published stories.

Comments

Total number of comments: 17

Title article: Listen to Me
Date: 2008-01-04 18:23:30

it great -- the only thing is that you might want to make it clear who the speaker is talking to sooner in the poem.

Title article: axis of a queen
Date: 2008-01-04 18:17:39

hi-fi makes me think of a time long ago, the fifties or the sixties. Chesterfield was a brand of cigarettes (I think they still make it) that was very popular during that time.

Title article: Home
Date: 2008-01-04 18:14:26

...
I think the religious angle on the story is interesting. Kind of the prayer of a zombie. I like it!

Title article: Before you land
Date: 2008-01-02 22:30:36

Has some interesting play-on-words.

Title article: Laugh, drink, and be "marry"
Date: 2008-01-02 22:21:37

I like the turn at "I saw her, but I didn't." I was waiting for this a little earlier on in the poem.

I love the phrase "a doll of desire."

Title article: I wonder
Date: 2008-01-02 21:53:13

Plath
I found this very Plath-esque.

Title article: Love
Date: 2008-01-02 21:47:36

In the middle...
there is something of a run on. You might want to turn this into a Walt Whitman style prose poem. I think it might work well in that format.

Title article: agricultural bible
Date: 2008-01-02 21:44:53

Made me want to read more.
Again, the french heel and the sheep totally break the chiche. You don't think of someone wearing a french heel on the soil of farmland. The sheep seem to be a little bit too much, but again it isn't expected, so it might work well.

Title article: goodnight, america
Date: 2008-01-02 21:41:20

Good use of Time and Space
I like the way the reader is set up for something unexpected. That is important for good poetry: something contrary to cliche. I think this poem does it by breaking the cliche. We don't normally think of a grown woman riding a bike over a child's playing space. Super poem.

Title article: Holding the Train
Date: 2007-12-07 18:54:49

Great Opening
I think the first two sentences are really, really nice. You seem to jump around a bit here in terms of space and time. But you have certain sentences that show you have been writing for a long time. They are so well constructed. Keep it up.

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 Next > End >>

Forum

This user has no forum posts.

Connection

This user has no current connections.

Guestbook

This user currently doesn't have any posts.

Pictures

Picture/Images uploaded by the member

No Items published in this profile gallery