DOG

George Sandler was a big boy. He was ten years...

Last Christmas

Christmas was going to come early this year and...

1925 (1925) Profile Page
1925 (1925)
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Last Online 06/14/2008
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About Myself: English Grad Student...avid writer.

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Comments

Total number of comments: 17

Title article: Listen to Me
Date: 2008-01-04 18:23:30

it great -- the only thing is that you might want to make it clear who the speaker is talking to sooner in the poem.

Title article: axis of a queen
Date: 2008-01-04 18:17:39

hi-fi makes me think of a time long ago, the fifties or the sixties. Chesterfield was a brand of cigarettes (I think they still make it) that was very popular during that time.

Title article: Home
Date: 2008-01-04 18:14:26
...
I think the religious angle on the story is interesting. Kind of the prayer of a zombie. I like it!

Title article: Before you land
Date: 2008-01-02 22:30:36

Has some interesting play-on-words.

Title article: Battle of Sisters
Date: 2008-01-02 22:27:49

The turn at the end of the poem works well.

Title article: Laugh, drink, and be "marry"
Date: 2008-01-02 22:21:37

I like the turn at "I saw her, but I didn't." I was waiting for this a little earlier on in the poem.  
 
I love the phrase "a doll of desire."

Title article: Clawing
Date: 2008-01-02 21:55:12

Love it...the concept is great and in really avoids cliche. The line "when you make there don’t be scare," was confusing, but I don't know if that was what you were going for in this poem.

Title article: I wonder
Date: 2008-01-02 21:53:13
Plath
I found this very Plath-esque.

Title article: Love
Date: 2008-01-02 21:47:36
In the middle...
there is something of a run on. You might want to turn this into a Walt Whitman style prose poem. I think it might work well in that format.

Title article: agricultural bible
Date: 2008-01-02 21:44:53
Made me want to read more.
Again, the french heel and the sheep totally break the chiche. You don't think of someone wearing a french heel on the soil of farmland. The sheep seem to be a little bit too much, but again it isn't expected, so it might work well.

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