The Peacock Case

When the train doors opened, a blast of sticky air...

If The Sun Didn't Rise

IF THE SUN DIDN'T RISE BY JON STALK...
J. J. White (whitj310) Profile Page
J. J. White (whitj310)
Hits 2281
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 05/25/2007
Last Online 09/04/2008
Connections 1
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Website/Blog: www.jjwhite.org
About Myself: I'm a new writer from Florida. I've finished two novels, "Earned Inheritance" and "The Lesbian Murders." I've written 40 short stories.
Surf (in ocean not computer) tennis, golf. Love writing.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
May 27, 2008Suicide ChronicleMiscellaneous Stories 84
Apr 29, 2008New Writing Prompt #5- KaleidoscopeHorror 160
Apr 8, 2008Writing Prompt "The Gambler and the Bum"Miscellaneous Stories 150
Mar 24, 2008Kat's Simple ThingsPoetry 154
Mar 10, 2008The Prodigious WriterMiscellaneous Stories 167
Feb 29, 2008Topic 2 tooMystery 306
Feb 19, 2008Larry topic 14?Humor 265
Jan 28, 2008Dead Puppies in a PillowcaseHorror 368
Jan 11, 2008Space AssassinScience Fiction 426
Jan 1, 200810-12-06Adventure 309
Dec 23, 2007Happy F----ing HolidaysHumor 460
Nov 17, 2007The Bethlehem BiblesMiscellaneous Stories 691
Nov 6, 2007SandcastleMiscellaneous Stories 381
Oct 23, 2007The Chinese UndertakerHorror 595
Oct 14, 2007She’ll Be the Death of HimHorror 831
Sep 28, 2007Double DragonsHorror 537
Sep 18, 2007Frog head biting CoachMiscellaneous Stories 848
Sep 10, 2007Lost Twilight Zone Episode …WishScience Fiction 733
Aug 10, 2007Chicken Eating SpidersHorror 1798
Jun 24, 2007BriareusMystery 786
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Comments

Total number of comments: 21

Title article: Vanity(from the minds of Zombie Punk & Tarhead Mugwump)
Date: 2008-05-31 14:00:42
Vanity
My God, it's like you were describing my youth! 
Seriously though, it was well written and poorly written. Content, plot characterizations, are excellent. But spelling, syntax need work. Just proof read a bit before publishing. i.e.: per say should be per se. 
and too many cliches like "good smack upside his head." 
Good blend of different writing styles. 
Feels like a book, maybe by Dean Koontz. This story alone could be three chapters. 
JJ the WATCHER heh heh heh heh heh heh... he cuckled maniacally

Title article: Damn Ostriches
Date: 2008-05-31 08:00:29
Tut Tut
I suggest you check between you legs and make sure they're still there. The only thing you didn't do was scream like a girl.  
Seriously, you told a great tale. Some of the best non-fiction I've read. four stars and two snaps.

Title article: New Topic # 5
Date: 2008-05-05 15:00:56
Ninja Cupcake World
I almost shit when you said his ordinary world was that of a ninja. The world's greatest oxymoron, like James Bond agonizing over his menial job. Good writing, sometimes too much passive voice , but otherwise fantastic. 
JJ

Title article: Alternative Gaye Calling
Date: 2008-04-10 19:15:43
Alternative Gaye Calling
Man, Marvin's rolling in his grave. You didn't mention he was stoned at the time but I'm willing to bet it happened just like that. Fantastic writing, good pace. Nice to read good writing. A + 
JJ

Title article: The Country Way
Date: 2008-03-13 13:35:29
Country Way
Alison, 
Watch your grammar, especially comma use before 'but'. 
You use a lot of 'ings' for presnt tense. 
Good plot and content. 
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:20:32
See, nobody's perfect
I said your talented. I meant you're talented. I shall whip myself 100 lashes. 
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:16:16
Good
Some comments Jo, 
I found it's tough to get comments on short story sites for chapters in a novel. The reason for that is when someone hasn't read previous chapters they lose interest. Having said that don't get discouraged. By forcing yourself to write the chapters in order to post, you gain valuable writing experience which ultimately is what sells your manuscript. I've written two 85,000 word novels doing just that. The hard part comes after you've written the first draft. The story is interesting and I can see it's going to keep the reader wanting more. 
Instead of "Ruby was sitting" try to write with action verbs like "Ruby sat" It makes it easier on the reader. Also you have too much description after taglines. It's better to say, Ruby said or said Ruby then to say Ruby said, as she grabbed a widget or whatever. I thought you introduced too many characters. Pick one character and dwell on them and their POV. Keep on keeping on. Your talented. 
JJ

Title article: A Clown's Life
Date: 2008-03-04 06:48:16
A Clown's Life
This is my favorite of your stories. It reads very much like a poem and could be expanded to a 5-7000 word short story. Your command of the language and syntax is flawless, much advanced for your age. 
JJ

Title article: Why I Shaved My Head
Date: 2008-03-04 06:33:48
Why I Shaved My Head
Excellent writing. Grammatically perfect. At first I thought it was a piece of non-fiction -- maybe it is. Your very gifted. This story is a good example of both skilled writing and interesting storyline, 
JJ

Title article: Topic 2 - 3/3/08
Date: 2008-03-03 15:53:17
Nice
It's funny, I have that same dream of that damn donkey every night. Eddie Murphy killed the husband. Except for the stretch segue with the donkey, the story was marvelous. Good plot line and character emotion. 
Keep it up. 
JJ

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
06/23/2008 15:38:49Re:What Happened to Storiesville?Off-Topic6120
04/29/2008 17:32:20Re:New Topic # 5...i thinkOff-Topic2131
04/20/2008 16:58:51Re:Any writers from Vermont?Off-Topic209
03/06/2008 20:25:43Re:The 13th.Off-Topic7838
03/05/2008 10:24:01Re:The 13th.Off-Topic7838
02/29/2008 23:37:45Re:TOPIC 2Off-Topic2751
02/20/2008 02:03:21Re:Write A Quick One!Off-Topic909

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