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J. J. White (whitj310) Profile Page

Hits	1446
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	05/25/2007 15:04:10
Last Online	05/16/2008 14:25:45
Last Updated	04/11/2008 11:27:42
Forum Ranking
Total Posts	14
Karma	2
Connections	1
Avg Profile Rating

Website/Blog:	www.jjwhite.org
About Myself:	I'm a new writer from Florida. I've finished two novels, "Earned Inheritance" and "The Lesbian Murders." I've written 40 short stories. Surf (in ocean not computer) tennis, golf. Love writing.

Date	Title	Hits	Rating
Tuesday, 29 April 2008	New Writing Prompt #5- Kaleidoscope	70	/ 1
Tuesday, 08 April 2008	Writing Prompt "The Gambler and the Bum"	100	/ 1
Monday, 24 March 2008	Kat's Simple Things	99	/ 2
Monday, 10 March 2008	The Prodigious Writer	125	/ 4
Friday, 29 February 2008	Topic 2 too	222	/ 4
Tuesday, 19 February 2008	Larry topic 14?	174	/ 2
Monday, 28 January 2008	Dead Puppies in a Pillowcase	231	/ 1
Friday, 11 January 2008	Space Assassin	281	/ 4
Tuesday, 01 January 2008	10-12-06	249	/ 2
Sunday, 23 December 2007	Happy F----ing Holidays	376	/ 1
Saturday, 17 November 2007	The Bethlehem Bibles	616	/ 13
Tuesday, 06 November 2007	Sandcastle	318	/ 3
Tuesday, 23 October 2007	The Chinese Undertaker	470	/ 5
Sunday, 14 October 2007	She’ll Be the Death of Him	757	/ 5
Friday, 28 September 2007	Double Dragons	471	/ 2
Tuesday, 18 September 2007	Frog head biting Coach	718	/ 3
Monday, 10 September 2007	Lost Twilight Zone Episode …Wish	602	/ 1
Friday, 10 August 2007	Chicken Eating Spiders	1300	/ 10
Sunday, 24 June 2007	Briareus	674	/ 4
Friday, 25 May 2007	The Vial	865	/ 3

Forum

Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
04/29/2008 17:32:20	Re:New Topic # 5...i think	Off-Topic	1246
04/20/2008 16:58:51	Re:Any writers from Vermont?	Off-Topic	129
03/06/2008 20:25:43	Re:The 13th.	Off-Topic	3749
03/05/2008 10:24:01	Re:The 13th.	Off-Topic	3749
02/29/2008 23:37:45	Re:TOPIC 2	Off-Topic	1460
02/20/2008 02:03:21	Re:Write A Quick One!	Off-Topic	580

Connection

J. J. White (whitj310)'s connections

Billy (Vango)

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Comments

Total number of comments: 19

Title article: New Topic # 5
Date: 2008-05-05 15:00:56

Ninja Cupcake World
I almost shit when you said his ordinary world was that of a ninja. The world's greatest oxymoron, like James Bond agonizing over his menial job. Good writing, sometimes too much passive voice , but otherwise fantastic.
JJ

Title article: Alternative Gaye Calling
Date: 2008-04-10 19:15:43

Alternative Gaye Calling
Man, Marvin's rolling in his grave. You didn't mention he was stoned at the time but I'm willing to bet it happened just like that. Fantastic writing, good pace. Nice to read good writing. A +
JJ

Title article: Moose Rampage
Date: 2008-04-08 17:28:22

Moose Rampage
Well written, Ken. Only complaint is the large number of cliches. The body of the story feels like an action section of a chapter or a true story. You're improving with each story, as it should be. I killed a moose in Vermont once with a Toyota Camry. The front end of the car looked like it had hit a truck. Big mothers.
JJ

Title article: The Country Way
Date: 2008-03-13 13:35:29

Country Way
Alison,
Watch your grammar, especially comma use before 'but'.
You use a lot of 'ings' for presnt tense.
Good plot and content.
JJ

Title article: WINDOW WATCHER
Date: 2008-03-09 10:38:20

Fantastic
Terry,
You always have the most inteligent poetry on SV.
I've wondered in the past how to write AM in a poem. Like this one it reads the word am instead of AM. Very descriptive and emotional.
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:20:32

See, nobody's perfect
I said your talented. I meant you're talented. I shall whip myself 100 lashes.
JJ

Title article: Unfortunatley Unlucky ~ Part One~
Date: 2008-03-08 16:16:16

Good
Some comments Jo,
I found it's tough to get comments on short story sites for chapters in a novel. The reason for that is when someone hasn't read previous chapters they lose interest. Having said that don't get discouraged. By forcing yourself to write the chapters in order to post, you gain valuable writing experience which ultimately is what sells your manuscript. I've written two 85,000 word novels doing just that. The hard part comes after you've written the first draft. The story is interesting and I can see it's going to keep the reader wanting more.
Instead of "Ruby was sitting" try to write with action verbs like "Ruby sat" It makes it easier on the reader. Also you have too much description after taglines. It's better to say, Ruby said or said Ruby then to say Ruby said, as she grabbed a widget or whatever. I thought you introduced too many characters. Pick one character and dwell on them and their POV. Keep on keeping on. Your talented.
JJ

Title article: A Clown's Life
Date: 2008-03-04 06:48:16

A Clown's Life
This is my favorite of your stories. It reads very much like a poem and could be expanded to a 5-7000 word short story. Your command of the language and syntax is flawless, much advanced for your age.
JJ

Title article: Why I Shaved My Head
Date: 2008-03-04 06:33:48

Why I Shaved My Head
Excellent writing. Grammatically perfect. At first I thought it was a piece of non-fiction -- maybe it is. Your very gifted. This story is a good example of both skilled writing and interesting storyline,
JJ

Title article: Topic 2 - 3/3/08
Date: 2008-03-03 15:53:17

Nice
It's funny, I have that same dream of that damn donkey every night. Eddie Murphy killed the husband. Except for the stretch segue with the donkey, the story was marvelous. Good plot line and character emotion.
Keep it up.
JJ

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