Holly Cabiedas (yellowcat) Profile Page
Holly Cabiedas (yellowcat)
Hits 1764
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 09/26/2008
Last Online 01/02/2009
Connections 9
Avg Profile Rating
 
About Myself: As of December 22, 2008, I've removed all my stories from the Storiesville site.

Days prior I was contacted by a teacher saying that one of his students had ripped off one of my stories. This also happened to another writer on this site. Despite the copyright notice at the bottom of the page, there is little protection for one's original created works. While I don't hold Storiesville accountable for the theft, I also have not had this problem on any other web sites to which I have posted fiction.

Until I can prevent my stories from being copied here I will no longer post.

Best of luck to you all!

Stories



This user has no published stories.

Comments

Total number of comments: 152

Title article: A Quick Coffee And A Case
Date: 2008-12-22 12:19:15

This was very clever and it moved along at a nice pace. I hope for privacy sake all that software is a figment of your imagination. 
 
Nice piece of flash fiction!

Title article: Past the Backyard Gate
Date: 2008-12-20 11:59:45

This was more of a humor story than a mystery. I was laughing out loud at the rationalizations made by the boys...the dad's at work, so they can have their adventure. Boys will be boys. 
 
I thought the ending wrapped up too quickly, though. Up til then this was a good "show" piece then it suddenly turned into a "tell" piece. Keep "showing". 
 
Overall, it was a lighthearted read about a hard topic.

Title article: Darkening
Date: 2008-12-20 11:45:45

This was an interesting story...someone is being pursued by someone else that apparently no one else can see. 
 
However, too many sentences start with 'as'. While the run-on sentences are done on purpose, they look like nothing more than bad punctuation and grammar. I understand slamming many thoughts together to create tension and pace, but you still need to punctuate.  
 
Overall, it was an interestig story.

Title article: A Vicious Circle
Date: 2008-12-20 11:11:00

This is a nice start to what coud be an interesting story. You have developed the character's fears and insecurities, now he needs something to do and a conflict...where is his life going, what happens if he drives Marla away? 
 
As suggested, I would break this down into several paragraphs rather than one big one. 
 
Overall, very interesting observations and character development.

Title article: Snapshot, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-12-20 10:56:20

This was a very enjoyable read that moved quickly and hooked me for future installments. 
 
In the first part I noticed some passive verbs that could be changed to a more active voice. Also, a few typos and misspellings. 
 
Overall, this was as stellar as I've come to expect from you!

Title article: Insane longing
Date: 2008-12-20 10:44:44

Very nice story with a nice pace.  
 
Watch your punctuation, spelling & capitalization. It is a little distracting. 
 
The insanity of the main character was very believable. Shiny eyeballs...I'll have to remember that one. HA!

Title article: Missing
Date: 2008-12-20 10:26:56

This was a very good story...very compelling and scary in a real life sort of way. 
 
My suggestion is develop your paragraphs, look for punctuation errors, and missing words. There are some sentences that are too wordy and could be pared down. Also, I hate the words "amongst" & "whilst" instead of among & while. They sound pretentious and outdated, but that's just my .02. 
 
Overall, this was a good read. You captured the main character's desperation and the poverty and hopelessness of a third world country.

Title article: Delivery
Date: 2008-11-26 21:45:25

I enjoyed this as much as the others. Hopefully, Billy doesn't go broke ordering stuff to be delivered.  
 
As with the other stories, I liked the pace of this one. It is so lazy it makes you want to settle in and read more.

Title article: Eaters of the Flesh
Date: 2008-11-26 21:35:53

Well, you got me...hook, line and sinker.  
 
Hope you're proud of yourself for making me snort out loud at the end. Now my dogs think I'm off my rocker. Yeah, way to embarrass me in front of my dogs. 
 
High five & Happy Thanksgiving!!

Title article: Just Wondering WHY?
Date: 2008-11-26 21:06:19

So many questions; so little time.  
 
I liked this and the thought that went into it. Sadly, I only have an answer to the Daylight Savings Time question.

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
DateSubjectCategoryHits
12/13/2008 20:41:47Re:Is anyone else having problems?Off-Topic246
12/13/2008 18:07:44Is anyone else having problems?Off-Topic246
11/17/2008 20:17:57Re:Allmine is greatOff-Topic813
11/01/2008 23:13:00Re:Deletions?Off-Topic723
10/30/2008 20:02:56Re:I Need HelpOff-Topic278
10/28/2008 15:54:28Re:There is a leg on my deckOff-Topic1227
10/28/2008 15:48:33Re:Children do not like lemonsOff-Topic357
10/27/2008 22:05:35There is a leg on my deckOff-Topic1227
10/26/2008 23:42:17Re:The Forum Is A ToolOff-Topic286
10/22/2008 01:06:24Re:I must perservereOff-Topic910

Connection

Holly Cabiedas (yellowcat)'s connections

OFFLINE christopher altendorf (brothersee)
OFFLINE Timothy Jay (TimothyAJ86)
OFFLINE Crystal (crystalv)
OFFLINE Kira (kira73)
OFFLINE J. Dane Tyler (DarcKnyt)
OFFLINE Raven Moffitt (StormWriter)
OFFLINE Matthew Lippart (mlippart)
OFFLINE Albert (JJ1)
OFFLINE Billy (Vango)
 

Guestbook


Name Entry
J. Dane Tyler (DarcKnyt)

Arctic Cirlce
 Created On: 10/31/2008 08:22:47
So, you're in a cold, remote part of Wyoming, eh? I have a question:

Which part of Wyoming ISN'T cold and remote?

You're a great writer and a fabulous reviewer. Even if I'm not your favorite.

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Total number of favourites: 6

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