Population:200, Chapter 2

Another creature had joined the first at the door now....

STORIES FROM CAMP 6, Chapter 1

THE RED HAT ( Dedicated to W.J.Martin)...
Holly Cabiedas (yellowcat) Profile Page
Holly Cabiedas (yellowcat)
Hits 1175
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 09/26/2008
Last Online 11/22/2008
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About Myself: I hate writing about myself, but here goes:

I live in a remote, cold part of Wyoming with 3 large dogs, a multitude of outside cats and two ducks.

I recently started writing again after many years of silence. Some of my characters are based on people I know, some stories are real life and some things are figments of my imagination. I write several different genres since I have a short attention span.

I read a lot. My interest tends towards criminal novels...serial killers, police investigations, hitmen, courtroom drama...but no true crime.

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Nov 21, 2008While You Were SleepingHorror 81
Nov 18, 2008Under PressureHorror 206
Nov 3, 2008Standing GuardMiscellaneous Stories 429
Oct 27, 2008Controlled ChaosNon-Fiction 146
Oct 4, 2008That Summer, Chapter 1Adventure 209
Oct 3, 2008Lily's GiftMiscellaneous Stories 213
Sep 29, 2008BreakdownMystery 374

Comments

Total number of comments: 131

Title article: Ringside
Date: 2008-11-21 23:52:11

Well this was a sad little tale. 
 
I like how you can convey so much in such a short time. It is a real talent. 
 
However, you could extend this story a little and give readers a bigger impact with more emotional involvement. That's just my .02, though. 
 
Bravo!

Title article: Mirrored Lies
Date: 2008-11-21 23:45:14

Nice work for such a short piece. Sometimes I feel like I am that woman in the mirror wondering where my life has gone so the story really had meaning for me. 
 
Good job!

Title article: Char Boiled, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-11-18 23:55:23

There were a lot of good things going on in this story. I liked the dialogue and the humor. I liked the pace and the descriptions. 
 
There are many things that need fixed, however. There are sentences that could be tightened with correct punctuation, some words are misspelled and, sadly, some details could be left out to increase the flow of the writing. 
 
I did enjoy this and look forward to reading more.

Title article: The cut.
Date: 2008-11-18 23:18:06

I just posted a story on this subject, not having read your poem...I never read poetry. I may have to start reading more of your poems, though. 
 
You did a very good job conveying the feelings of a cutter in just a few words. Hopefully, you do not suffer from this.

Title article: Work
Date: 2008-11-18 20:51:31

Nope. I was thinking of these words: coutis, sever (did you mean serve) dam, & solem. Also contractions: wont, its, & were.

Title article: Blessed or Warned
Date: 2008-11-18 17:24:16

I was very intrigued by this story. You are a good storyteller, bringing the nasty Indus River and India to life. 
 
I'm not sure about the ending though. Maybe let the reader know in advance what her flight number and departure times were. After such a good story I felt the ending was a little bit of a let down, but maybe that's just me. 
 
Good job overall!

Title article: The Early of Aberdeen
Date: 2008-11-18 16:59:22
What?
This might be an interesting story, but right now it is nothing more than a disjointed paragraph with bad punctuation and spelling. 
 
Please, I'm begging you, don't post stuff like this.

Title article: Work
Date: 2008-11-18 16:55:19

This story had a very interesting premise and was pretty funny. I liked the unexpected phrases like "expenditures and arsenals". 
 
Proper punctuation and spelling is needed to make the story flow better. Also, follow up on ideas such as the main character being dead. I liked the man who really had no idea what was going on babbling about the economy and not making any sense at all, but the story ended too soon after that. Draw it out a little more...tell more about the rest of the day and the utter disregard the main character has for his coworkers. 
 
I am interested to read more of your work.

Title article: Frank
Date: 2008-11-17 21:27:46

This was an interesting enough story, but the paragraphs need to be developed. It is just a bunch of sentences that make reading feel like riding in a jeep over a bunch of dead bodies. 
 
Develop your paragraphs to cover an idea, and work on your wording to make your sentences flow. Your readers will feel like they are gliding along on a new highway and can enjoy your story rather than bumping and lurching along.

Title article: The Dead Walk, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-11-12 22:25:56

Overall this was a good story...lots of scary stuff and imagery. I am interested in reading more. However, the story had some technical issues that kept my heart from pounding in fear:  
 
"a fowl odor" unless he smelled a chicken, it is a foul odor. 
 
You don't need to tell your reader when your character is thinking. Just go with the thought, they will figure it out. 
 
The paragraph beginning, "The campsite was a total mess" needs work. I noticed misspelled words, sentences that could have been worded better, missing punctuation and verb tense shifts. 
 
The paragraph beginning, "Using the guard rail" is one long sentence that is crying for punctuation. 
 
Many sentences throughout need to be shortened and punctuated properly to give the story a better flow. 
 
Hope this helps.

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Forum


Last 10 Forum Posts
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11/17/2008 21:17:57Re:Allmine is greatOff-Topic323
11/02/2008 00:13:00Re:Deletions?Off-Topic476
10/30/2008 21:02:56Re:I Need HelpOff-Topic201
10/28/2008 16:54:28Re:There is a leg on my deckOff-Topic828
10/28/2008 16:48:33Re:Children do not like lemonsOff-Topic242
10/27/2008 23:05:35There is a leg on my deckOff-Topic828
10/27/2008 00:42:17Re:The Forum Is A ToolOff-Topic200
10/22/2008 02:06:24Re:I must perservereOff-Topic659
10/17/2008 22:58:24Re:WHO"S SEEING TWILIGHT?Off-Topic175
10/17/2008 17:30:55Re:Proclaim Your RoyaltyOff-Topic338681

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Name Entry
J. Dane Tyler (DarcKnyt)

Arctic Cirlce
 Created On: 10/31/2008 06:22:47
So, you're in a cold, remote part of Wyoming, eh? I have a question:

Which part of Wyoming ISN'T cold and remote?

You're a great writer and a fabulous reviewer. Even if I'm not your favorite.

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