Comments
Total number of comments: 22
I'm only commenting on one aspect of this story, I did not mind the content at all and did enjoy reading it. I absolutley hate giving negative feedback. However, one thing I PERSONALLY think took away from this story was when you were establishing the characters and went into the kind of "Blink 182" t-shirt description- it took away from the deeper meaning of the piece and made it seem a little more superficial. Something that turned me off Dan Brown in a big way. Other than that, good start and I hope the story continues to develop.Title article: THE HAWK Date: 2008-11-04 20:21:37
I got a lot from this story, probably because I took the hawk as a symbol of something much greater. I liked the rhyming scheme and saw a deeper level, that was probably unintentional. Wix poem all the same.Title article: Ideal Date: 2008-11-04 20:07:48
I liked the 40's style film noir one liners, set it off. I didn't mind the subject matter, I always find it interesting when writers tell as story from the murderers perspective. I thought it was a kind og comically exaggerated situation out of some crazed woman's mind. But then I stopped to consider. What if it had been a bird? Could I even dare to think I would have responded differently? Liked the suspense. Understood the seriousness of the situation You did a good job of building up the gritty feeling that carried through the story in the opening paragraph. You drew me in with that very strong distinguishable "cops/baddies" style. Also would like to know if the characters are one entity. I felt saddened at the end, even if it wasn't intended, I felt like he was lying to her, with the "you mean more to me...." line. However, beautifully written, I'll echo the tasteful but sexy comments.Title article: Puppets Date: 2008-10-01 19:01:08
Philosophy behind Puppets When discussing love, relationships, leaving and cheating I so often hear "it was fate," "I couldn't control how I felt about him/her." I believe it is our past that dictates how we feel about what/who we encounter. The "other world" is a spiritual world where the ghosts (metaphor for our past) control the feelings of the souls still travelling down the "road of life" (another metaphor). The past finds joy in dictating the future (history repeats itself etc), so that some people will be hurt. The heart carried by Elizabeth is a metaphor for John's love. The emerald box is colour symbolism for envy. As her soul travels she encounters a man and falls in love, "it was fate" "didn't mean too" etc. You can only blame the tricksy ghosts with magical powers beyong that of humans for her betrayal. You can't see the ghosts or their world, but you are a part of it and it has power over you. Very acidy story, I'll agree with ZP's comment. I liked how random it was. It was so hard to comprehend the desire for non-existence of the central character. Took a lot of very active reading, had to detach from familiar objects to see them from the perspective of the persona. Really different and also really brave.Title article: HOUSE. Date: 2008-09-30 22:54:04
House Very dark and also seemed quite poetic. Really liked the way in which you described in great detail this haunted and chaotic place, really felt for the persona. Tying in the religion, drugs and abuse made it very haunting, one that will stay with me for a long time. Whilst the sentiment is one that we often run into, was done in a way that you avoided cliche. Loved the use of natural elements and colour. There was a great flow to it, last couple of lines were great, opposing images that made sure the poem was not fluffy and light, but presented a solid and valid feeling.
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