kaorujin (kaorujin) Profile Page
kaorujin (kaorujin)
Hits 244
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 06/06/2008
Last Online 09/19/2008
Connections 1
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Website/Blog: www.kaorujin.deviantart.com
About Myself: likes to draw and play guitar

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Sep 15, 2008manchurian candies draftMiscellaneous Stories 64
Jun 7, 2008manchurian candies premonitions, Chapter 4Romance 164
Jun 7, 2008pink oni ATMOSPHEREPoetry 82
Jun 7, 2008The lament of lovePoetry 80

Comments

Total number of comments: 9

Title article: manchurian candies draft
Date: 2008-09-15 19:33:01
HEY!
be a little constructive? im working on a novel

Title article: Hoodlyfe Chronicles, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-09-15 19:26:26
:L
"Just as I stood up I heard what sounded like an explosion followed by swift jabs to the soft part of some one's body" 
 
make it a little more vague, i dont think i could hear "swift jabs to the soft part of some one's body" 
 
"Julius and the gang had taught me to never back down, that was our slogan as soldiers, as a team, as a family" i really like this :D 
 
"I cried out, ''Fuck!'', ''God why?'', ''Why!''. At that second I noticed lights flash through the curtains of the kitchen, I shot my gun in the air and yelled at my mom to call 911" 
LOL?! okay you better rethink this part. 
 
overall, i really lke how youve led from his history straight into the action. keep working on it!

Title article: He Comes Upon a Wish, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-09-15 19:21:44
okay..
its interesting, nice hook and lead in. 
 
i absolutely love a great hook. but you kinda gave a much too long description. 
 
who is the protagonist? 
 
usually you put in the chunky stuff in the second chapter, when you actually get their interest

Title article: Room 1135
Date: 2008-09-15 19:17:54
blinks
im sitting here, captivated by the story. 
 
graduallly, it slowly becomes smaller and smaller. 
 
my eyes blink. tears. 
nah not really. i think its the small print. 
 
it seems to drag on, i slowly start to lose the plot. 
 
i think ill sleep on this one.

Title article: Whore
Date: 2008-09-15 19:09:01
somewhat
its beutiful in a poetic way

Title article: Long Nose Boy
Date: 2008-08-02 18:34:25
...
didnt quite make the cut. sounds like something an eleven year old would write. 
 
no offence

Title article: The Letter
Date: 2008-07-30 02:29:05
oh
its soo brutally honest. i nearly cried

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OFFLINE La'Tronzo Jones-Wallace (anonymous)
 

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