Short Stories | Storiesville.com - Philip Neale (philneale1952)

Primal Need - Chapter 1 Blood. The metallic...

The Adventures Of Pugswallow, Chapter 1

Pugswallow sat in a mud puddle popping bubbles and...

Philip Neale (philneale1952) Profile Page

Hits	7354
Online Status	OFFLINE
Member Since	04/30/2008
Last Online	11/20/2008
Connections	55
Avg Profile Rating

Website/Blog:

www.philipneale.blogspot.com

About Myself:

Accountant, 55, aspiring writer. Married 2 children, 2 cats (not married to the cats but they think they rule the roost). See gallery for more pictures - George was starting to demand appearance money so I relegated him to the background.......teach him to be sassy!

Ok, so we're pals again.........Hey George, see the nice reader? Kill !!!!!!

Started writing in July 2007 and found that I couldn't stop. Manuscripts now comprise 3 finished novels (60,000; 85,000; 65,000 words respectively) one in progress (currently 20,000), 2 compilations of short stories (total 100,000 words), and some messing around with poetry, although I must confess that it's not my favourite.

That started as limericks on birthday and anniversary cards and now I can't get off the hook.

If anyone knows of a cure............I may be interested (although not JUST yet).

First manuscript is now a finished and published novel "A Ticket to Tewkesbury" (see stories list for a preview and list of acknowledgements).

Stories

Published Short Stories

Date	Title	Category	Hits
Nov 18, 2008	Anniversary	Poetry	40
Nov 4, 2008	Wishful Thinking - The Final Chapter, Chapter 7	Horror	82
Nov 2, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 6	Horror	94
Nov 2, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 5	Horror	106
Oct 30, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 4	Horror	103
Oct 29, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 3	Horror	127
Oct 24, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 2	Horror	144
Oct 20, 2008	Ouch!	Humor	261
Oct 9, 2008	What Kind of Tool Am I?	Humor	209
Oct 2, 2008	Lasting Love	Miscellaneous Stories	183
Sep 29, 2008	Wishful Thinking, Chapter 1	Horror	457
Sep 26, 2008	Finders Keepers	Mystery	231
Sep 26, 2008	Two Little Dicky Birds	Mystery	283
Sep 24, 2008	Poppy Appeal	Humor	384
Sep 17, 2008	Funny You Should Say That	Humor	329
Sep 7, 2008	A Dish Served Cold	Mystery	625
Sep 5, 2008	Sparing the Rod	Non-Fiction	163
Sep 3, 2008	A Ticket to Tewkesbury	Miscellaneous Stories	640
Sep 2, 2008	Marks On the Wall	Mystery	294
Aug 31, 2008	Fight The Flab	Poetry	174

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 3 4 Next > End >>

Books

Title	Date
Full Marks	Nov 14, 2008

Comments

Title article: The Invention Of Uncertainty, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-07-07 16:44:45

Yes
Good descriptive narrative of the journey and surroundings. Don't like stories going straight for the jugular.

A good steady pace leaves plenty of room to build up whatever plot you have in mind, and character development is extremely important.

Fleshing out the two main players early will keep the reader hanging in there.

Will keep a look out for the next one.

Phil

Title article: THE SHADOW OF THE FALLEN, Chapter 0
Date: 2008-07-07 16:37:22

OK
It is a good start, but listen to the advice given above.

Grammar and punctuation really are important to keep a reader's interest.

You need to work a little on your paragraph formatting too.

Look at "Punishment" by R.E. Potter. He knows not just how to put a story together, but also how to structure the narrative to ratchet up the tension.

You're not a hundred miles away from being a decent writer, but basic errors will always let you down.

Be a shame to spoil something promising.

Always leave 'em on the edge - I like that.

Phil

Title article: To Get Back To The Start
Date: 2008-07-07 16:28:40

Maybe it's late, maybe you need a retread or an MOT.

Perhaps the words need reindexing.

Perhaps I should just shut up.

Liked the pome (NOT misspelt)

Phil

Title article: Trouble is a brewing pt 7
Date: 2008-07-07 11:48:09

Right
I give up.......................

Phil

Title article: TROUBLE IS A BREWING PT6
Date: 2008-07-07 11:47:03

OK
Better, and getting there, but still..........why the bad language?

It does nothing for the storyline.

Phil

Title article: TROUBLE IS A BREWING PART 5
Date: 2008-07-07 11:45:12

Much Better
A lot easier to read. I can now see where the bad language really is.

Still don't like it, and will not rate the story as highly as it probably deserves.

Watch your use of capitals (crazy aren't I?) - they DO have a place when using places names, peoples' names, the starting of sentences.

Moving on again.

Phil

Title article: TROUBLE IS A BREWING PART4
Date: 2008-07-07 11:41:55

Better
See what I mean?

The text was much easier to read after you ditched the capitals, but why not go back anf fix the rest of the page?

Phil

Title article: TROUBLE IS A BREWING PART 3
Date: 2008-07-07 11:40:34

Me too, you need to pay close attention to basic grammar.

I just can't read all your capitals.

Phil

Title article: TROUBLE IS A BREWING PART 2
Date: 2008-07-07 11:39:23

Same comments as before.

Look at some of R.E. Potter's writing to see how he structures his text, and check out how Lemon writes comments.

Phil

Title article: Trouble is a brewing PART 1
Date: 2008-07-07 11:36:47

I'm with Lemon on this one.

First, don't write in capitals - it come across as shouting, and it's hard on the eyes.

Second, as has been implied, use Microsft Word and spellchack before pasting into the site.

Further, I agree with Lemon that you should split the dialogue from the other text - that will break it up and make it easier to read.

I'm no expert writer either, but these are basic things.

However.........the story moves with quite a pace, but please (and this is a hobby horse of mine), cut out the bad language - you really don't need it to make a story.

Moving on to the next part.

Phil

<< Start < Prev 1 ... 53 54 55 [56] 57 58 ... 83 Next > End >>

Forum

Last 10 Forum Posts

Date	Subject	Category	Hits
11/02/2008 12:11:31	Re:Deletions?	Off-Topic	468
11/01/2008 14:42:39	Re:Deletions?	Off-Topic	468
10/29/2008 08:05:13	Re:Proclaim Your Royalty	Off-Topic	336090
10/29/2008 02:20:16	Re:There is a leg on my deck	Off-Topic	811
10/28/2008 07:43:02	Re:There is a leg on my deck	Off-Topic	811
10/21/2008 15:35:49	Re:I must perservere	Off-Topic	648
10/21/2008 08:38:22	Re:I must perservere	Off-Topic	648
10/20/2008 16:06:55	Re:Time	Off-Topic	598
10/19/2008 13:03:00	Re:Time	Off-Topic	598
10/16/2008 07:51:16	Re:quick questions you answer now!	Off-Topic	755

Connection

Philip Neale (philneale1952)'s connections

Jamey (jamey007)

Roby Thomas (Roby)

b.k. (b.k.)

Kira (kira73)

raymond (monxkie)

David Neve (Tarhead Mugwump)

K.G Alphatoda (sushiBoy)

Matthew Lippart (mlippart)

Amy Carter (scooby)

Julian (Julian)

<< Start < Prev [1] 2 3 4 5 6 Next > End >>

Guestbook

Name	Entry
Amie Kerlin (lemon)	Created On: 10/12/2008 14:53:04 Aparently I missed your birthday, so happy belated birthday. I just thought I would drop in and say hi since I hadn't talked to you in FOREVER. I have so much reading to catch up on. Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): Hey Lemon, not gone "sour" on me then? Belated thanks Phil
amanda (ams)	Created On: 10/01/2008 11:34:29 happy birthday!!! Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): Belated thanks Phil
Michelle Huff (allmine) Not sure.....	Created On: 10/01/2008 07:17:48 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): Golly, how did you know? It's really amazing that you knew..........so kind of you to remember an old man (!) Phil
Lisa (antheerr) England	Created On: 08/21/2008 12:07:32 I guess I'd better sign your guest book and say "Hi Dad". You know what I think about your writing - I like most of them (except for the one about the spiders you horrid man!), and the ones I don't are just not my cup of tea rather than there being anything wrong with them. I like the ones I already know best, like the wine one, or the ones about George and Poppy and co, but that's because I already know the stories, but enjoy the way you tell them. Anyway, keep going with it Dad - you need to start making some money though to pay for my lifestyle!!! Lisa
Max Booth III (Zombie Punk)	Created On: 08/08/2008 03:56:33 Wow. You been reading all my stories and now I feel bad I've haven't read many of yours. That gonna change, though. Just read your 'Layers of Innocence' and that was brilliant. You are truely a talented writer, my friend. I think I might start on your 'Stick' series next. Oh yeah, you can keep your cats. I'm allergic to them, they make me go blind. Keep well, Max Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): That's great because George says his passport is out of date anyway. Phil
Christian Wright (The 13th) WICKLOW	Created On: 08/06/2008 14:41:53 so youre from Derbyshire.Lived in Utoxeter, thats not too far from you is it.Anyway write on. Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): No, just up the road along the A50 - about half an hour. Phil
Nathan Weaver (onyxdragon) Missouri	Created On: 08/06/2008 07:59:46 I must say, I like Lulu as well. I haven't published on it, yet, though. I'm trying to finish writing and polishing a collection of short stories. I really like the way Lulu works. It's very nice. I'll have to go check your collection on Lulu out. Write on.
r.e.potter (r.e.potter) lost in my mind	Created On: 07/30/2008 05:50:21 Sit back and breath...popping stories out faster then the Spears sisters. I read fast, but not THAT fast. Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): In take 'em while they're there........no fresh ideas for a day or so, but got a stock af three or four to keep me going. Phil
David Neve (Tarhead Mugwump) hill country, texas	Created On: 07/27/2008 13:29:36 i read the disaster recovery story, and typically, after reading a story i bolt over to the writer's profile before i comment. just in case it's a young'un - i don't want to tip any tea kettles... if i like the writer's style, i usually look to see if he/she has other stories - and i hope for one or two. jeez - you have many... now i have a ton of reading to do. write on! Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): Errrrm..........there's fewer than there used to be. Deleted 21 and published them in a book on Lulu.com so you won't see them here any more. Had Potter grumbling at me for speed writing, but when the ideas are there, it's a shame to waste them. Thought one up last week just as I was dropping off to sleep, and for the life of me I can't remember what it was now. Must keep pen and pad by the bedside in future. Damocles was one like that, but this time it stuck until morning. Phil
Xena Elvoniche (Xena) yorshire bratts	Created On: 07/16/2008 12:19:08 sir fillip neale i christen thee... Feedback from Philip Neale (philneale1952): Muchos gracias mi amiga.