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The People From The Sky I: Man On The Moon

THE PEOPLE FROM THE SKY PART I:...
Brooke (SageSyren) Profile Page
Brooke (SageSyren)
Hits 1579
Online Status OFFLINE
Member Since 04/15/2008
Last Online 08/11/2008
Connections 2
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Website/Blog: www.storywrite.com/SageSyren
About Myself: Also try http://thefourbreazeales.blogspot.com/ This is my family website.

I was gone, now I'm back. Decided I liked this place and missed it.

I'm a hearth and nature witch. I love to laugh and have fun.

All comment are welcome and any help you can give in puncation and dialogue tags would be greatly appreciated.

For the future....thanks

Stories


Published Short Stories

 
DateTitleCategoryHits
Jul 11, 2008Closer Raisa, Chapter 3Mystery 74
Jul 10, 2008Closer Raisa, Chapter 2Mystery 94
Jul 9, 2008Closer Raisa; the beginning, Chapter 1Mystery 98

Comments

Total number of comments: 65

Title article: Frantic, Chapter 2
Date: 2008-07-30 10:53:47

I remember reading the first installment and it was brillant. This one is just as good. I can't wait for the next one. 
Bravo

Title article: The Letter
Date: 2008-07-17 10:17:04

Wow! At first it reads like a Dear John letter and I kept wondering where she had gone. But then when he drives from 'their special spot' I realized she was dead. The end only confirmed that. 
Good write. Very powerful. 
Bravo

Title article: Haunted Sorrow
Date: 2008-07-17 09:59:46

When reading this I could picture a young girl sitting on a iron framed bed with a simple white quilt. Her hard in a long braid down across one shoulder. Her hands folded in her lap. She is neither pleading nor crying, but just imploring. 
 
I loved this. Brillantly written with a nice flow or words. 
Bravo

Title article: Behind Blue Eyes, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-07-14 11:44:44

It's a good start. I say a couple of missed spelled words and some missing comma's, but those could be easily fixed with a quick edit. 
 
Serial killer that takes his victims eyes? Creepy and yucky. 
 
My only suggestions is to not forget to use all five senses; taste, touch, sound, smell and sight. Smell is a hard one to remember, but it will bring your reader into the story more.

Title article: The Beast and the Wicked Witch
Date: 2008-07-14 11:15:13
Very good
This was very good. I loved that you stuck a bunch of references to other 'Disney' tales in this. 
I think you could go two different ways with this if you decided to continue. Humor or thriller. 
With the humor you would just need to tweak a couple of things in this first part.  
But with thriller you've got it spot on. :) 
Bravo

Title article: Frantic, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-07-14 11:00:01
Amazing
I thought this was just amazing. I can't wait to see what lends up to this. Is the son dead? Alive? I understand that the wife is dead, but how did that happen? What happened before this to creat 'Frantic'? Lots of questions...

Title article: Unavoidable Detours Created By The Elderly.
Date: 2008-07-11 14:40:01

Why, in the second paragraph, would you say '...still had gray hair.'? Does this mean the other didn't have hair anymore? 
Thought the exchange with the counter girl was cute. :) 
 
I thought this a very funny story, even if it wasn't suppose to be. I've got friends like this and we're not old *laughs* 
 
Thanks for the laugh.

Title article: Falling Out With George
Date: 2008-07-11 14:26:12
Couldn't stop
I've got one male kitty and he is King of our house. No lap kitty for guy.  
 
I so loved the humor in this and can relate. I once shut the door on Cooper's tale and he didn't look at me for a week. I finally had to buy a treat so he would love me again :( 
 
Thanks for the laugh. I couldn't stop. :)

Title article: THIS MODERN LOVE, Chapter 1
Date: 2008-07-10 15:20:53

I think this is a really good start. You've used all five senses and that will pull any reader into the story. 
Bravo

Title article: My Own Personal Hell
Date: 2008-07-10 14:59:36

I've noticed you write really good poems. One's with lots of feelings and good storylines. And again this one is nicely done. 
Bravo

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